Where You Are: Project Swaziland

It's not over, it's never over

2011-05-10T09:52:00.000-04:00

I'm listening to: Learning to Breathe by: Switchfoot

Where You Are is not over, our dream isn't over, our missing with C&I isn't over. We are just getting it all together. Honestly, we haven't had a lot of luck with investors, funny, i'm not too surprised, our film doesn't have enough naked girls, fast cars and chase scenes. :) But we are getting there. C&I corporate is really helping out. We are saving cash, working hard, and we will make it happen.

Its never over baby! I just need to blog more :)

Thanks for being our friends.

2bed, 2 bath

2011-01-02T23:18:00.001-05:00

I'm listening to: The credits of the film "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps"

I loved this film. More importantly I love the message behind it. ya know... all of us...really wanna be someone. we dream about it. we dream about the "what if's" and "our dreams"... "our dream moments"...we all wanna be successful... and sadly we all want money. And sure, you say...I say..."well i don't need a lot of money, just enough to be comfortable". Funny, if you ask people how they are doing, their response is usually based off of money. If someone is financially doing okay, they will answer with "i'm doing good, things are great"..if someone's bank account isn't so full, they'll say "yeah yeah...i don't know man...things are...whatever. money, so powerful. we all wanna be powerful, successful, the kardashians..and entourage...90210 and madison ave.. but really, when we are quiet...none of are ready for that kind of financial success...we talk a big humanitarian game now...but what happens when 120 million dollars is deposited in your account...or 700 million dollars.... do we still drive our honda's and rent 2 bedroom and 2 baths.... or do we justify the 3 houses...and the live in chef...

we aren't ready yet...I wanna be better...I hate that kids are literally dying throughout the world...but i'll sleep good tonight..i will...and so you will you...a buddy of mind said "time flies when your having fun"... we aren't ready yet...but i know through faith, love, purpose and friends who tell you the truth, we will be.

...and where you are: project swaziland is very much alive.

Instead of a Show

2010-06-08T08:17:00.000-04:00

I'm listening to: "For All We Know" by Further Seems Forever

hey.

(5minutes just past)

This journey is so hard, but I adore what i'm learning along the way. About people, about myself. I wear it on my sleeves. I wear my emotions in my eyes. I'm in the airport headed back to Florida. Standing at Gate #6. I always fly in and out of Gate #6 in DCA….

I was on the good old Facebook page the other day, and I was looking at other peoples pages. Looking at all the "hey woah look how cool we are" stuff, "be sure to check out our awesome whatever" posts, "we are the best at what we do" updates. And it is almost always positive, upbeat, cool sounding, with a cool link. Do these companies just not struggle? Or they don't want you to think they are struggling…

Well I can't do that. I wear it on my sleeves. I have to be honest. I can't post about how everything is just awesome. I can't post about how Where You Are is just so easy, going smooth. I just have to be raw. I don't like fake people. I think its our worst quality as people. You know, the people that just say whatever, just to say whatever. Empty conversations filled with empty words. I'm not like that. C&I isn't like that. When we have something awesome to share, we will share it. When its tough, I also want you to know about it. Cause we are doing this thing together, and know one told me about my dreams when I was growing up. Everyone told me, go after your dreams, think about something you want to do for the rest of your life, something that you love, and do that. No one told me about the pain, how hard it would be, the sacrifices that I would have to make. How people don't really flock to you when things are "going well". Following your dreams requires sacrifice. Achieving your true purpose in life isn't a pretty romantic comedy. But don't get the wrong idea, I'm not depressed, and I'm not unmotivated. I've never felt a fire like this ever before…but I want you to trust C&I. Trust that we are doing things differently. What other company will write on their page "we are going through some challenges, but we are working on it". Find me one and email it to me. I guess it appears too negative, so people stick with the the traditional, "we are doing so much awesome stuff, we are the best" type of stuff But this way, when we do post something great, its actually great.

In the about video that we made, I talked about how we would be open and honest with our fans. I really meant that, wasn't just saying it cause it sounds genuine. It is genuine. Honesty isn't pretty sometimes, it sounds like an amazing character trait, but sometimes Honestly is tough, it can kill relationships, but I believe it's absolutely necessary. And the times in my life when I wasn't honest, led me to some of my darkest times.

Always stay positive, always think about what you have, not what you don't have…those are always things that are told to me, and yes I agree. But I'm also going to tell you that staying positive isn't easy. Shine in the terrible moments, in the awesome moments. It's not easy. And despite all that is happening, we fight, we grow, we learn. And the challenges we face with Where You Are will only make it even more beautiful when its done. I can't wait. I wonder why I just don't quit sometimes, I sure think about it. But it's because of you, its because whats inside. It's because of the few people in my life, that push me, that tell me to keep going. Their is no fuel greater than encouragement. I got an awesome email from Windy Marshall the other day, just checking in with me to see who I was, and if there was anything she could do to help….

Fuel.

wait

2010-05-13T07:17:00.000-04:00

I'm listening to:"Sparks" by Coldplay

...I haven't written in a while. I haven't been able to. Well, I'll get right to it.

We have reached a point in the project where things have gotten extremely hard, we've got some new challenges in front of us, and things are really rough. It's actually harder than its ever been before, and thats really tough to deal with. The specifics don't really mater, we all know what its like to feel like you are going through something extremely difficult, and that is our situation right now.

I wanted to write, just to give a brief update. I'm sure people always wonder "what happened to that project".... it's alive...just hurting right now.

but, this project will happen. When? Im not sure, but I do know that it will happen.

All for now...

It's What Inside

2010-04-02T19:20:00.001-04:00

I'm listening to: "I and Love and You" by The Avett Brothers (my new song on repeat)

I'm not the type of person to listen to an entire album, believe me I like to, but usually I get to one track thats so piercing that I must put it on repeat.

For the past two days we have been working pretty much every hour of the day on corporate work. Things have gotten so busy corporate wise, that its overwhelming. And yes, that is a good thing...but I'm not as excited about it as I should be, i guess

One of the hardest things for me to deal with recently is the fact that the corporate part of our business has been consuming me. First, I'm super thankful. Being your own boss is nifty, it does come with a strange set of challenges, odd schedule, and insane hustle, but its awesome! I wouldn't go back to sitting in that desk, pushing those same buttons over and over again. Looking at the clock to see if it was 5pm....ugggghh its only 1:32pm. Eat, Sleep, Repeat.

My heart is to do my part on this earth. I don't wanna sit by watching tv shows, going to parties, watching movies, go to work, come home, a bday party here and there. I'm here for a reason, and I want to do my part, I want to do what I was called to do. I want to use my camera for good. Telling the stories that need to told. Making the films that no one else wants to make. BUT, right now I've gotta shoot commercials...edit promos and so on...not that I don't like that, its just not as balanced as we want right now, and we are really working on that. I wanna film the kids in Swaziland to show the kids in America. And right now, I just don't have the resources to do those kinds of things....well its not resources at all, I do have the resources, I just don't have the money for plane tickets. There is much that America needs to see. There are thousands of companies that make corporate videos for corporations...C&I is so much more than that.

And its not just Where You Are, its the passion behind all the things that we do. We put up with the corporate because we know whats inside of us, we know whats driving us. I guess if you look at that Facebook account we have you would see that we do tons of videos, work with companies a lot, promo after promo, intro after intro, round and round. But don't get it twisted. I wish you really could understand what we are cooking in the C&I kitchen.

And if you give me time....believe just a little harder, I'll show you that i'm not a corporate boy at all...I"m a story teller, and I tell my stories with a film camera, and I'm surround by people that have given up a lot of things, step out beyond themselves, beyond what they thought they could do, said no to American dream, and we are all daring to change the world. and that is what we will always be about.

Our site is a map of the world for a reason.

I'm Better Than You

2010-03-24T09:28:00.001-04:00

I'm listening to: "Lost Fur" by: Karen O the Kids

First I wanted to show you the Where You Are shirts that have been created by Sarah Scotti (she is the best, period) These shirts are work the AIDS walk that we are doing on March 28th. We are excited to walk with whoever wants to join us and do something different!

I wanted you to see the company that made them, because they are sponsoring the shirts as well, and Real Thread is ran by this guy named Dru, who is such a great guy. Dru thanks so much for believing in us. I can't wait to meet you face to face. Isn't it crazy how a project, can bring people together without even meeting.....think about that. The other thing that sealed the deal for us to work with Real Thread is that the shirts are special Eco-material that is awesome for the environment. My sister Heidi would be proud of me. Anyway, we will have a bunch of these, and if you like them, we will sell them on the Where You Are site.

To walk with us on the AIDS walk, contact Sara Shake (sara@exposedprandevents) our awesome Publicist. She will walk you through the process.

Now I'm listening to "All is Love" by Karen O the Kids ( i love this song)

I was thinking about all the things that we are doing. The AIDS walk, the Where You Are Project, The Revolt, and our entire company as a non-profit... Sometimes, I'm around people that travel the world, doing missionary work, or all kinds of probono type of work, and some people (sometimes not on purpose, and sometimes on purpose) love to make you feel like what they are doing is better than what you are doing. Traveling to Africa and working in Uganda with children is much better and more admirable than working at UPS in America. Sometimes, I'm around these people and they get so caught up in what THEY are doing, that they forget about what they are actually doing. Believe it or not, some people love to travel around the world helping people just so they can tell people that they did it. I usually end up in this debate:

I love missionaries, I think everyone is called to something special and unique. However I see people leaving America traveling to other countries to help, and I think that is awesome! I'm glad people are doing it. However a huge part of C&I Studios vision is...America. I believe that America is the country that needs the outreach the most. A big problem I see with America is that we see what is right and wrong, and sometimes we still choose what is wrong. Our midset, our selfishness, and how corrupt we are.... thats our mission field. Here. I know you guys don't know the story of Where You Are, but the film is about this American midset and how materialist and small minded we are.

And we aren't better than anyone because of this project. Just because we are traveling to Swaziland doing this project that doesn't mean that we are better than the man that is working at UPS. We are both doing what we are called to do. Sure working at UPS might not be what he is called to do, but being a dedicated father, husband, and community leader might be. And UPS just funds his dream of starting a community center, and gives him the time to be a real father and husband. People automatically assume unless you are overseas what you are doing is pointless, and that isn't true. Some people are called to be good fathers. Some people are called to be Pastors in churches, or teachers in our schools. And teaching a child to read on American soil or international soil is amazing. Holding an orphan in Atlanta and telling her that you love her, is just as amazing as holding a child in Sudan. There is no scale. Love knows no boundary, its doesn't grow based on your geographical location. Love is Love.

And I know that there are countries and children that have needs that are greater than here, but don't let that dis-credit all that other people are doing here in America. To all you good people, all you teachers, pastors, parents, foster parents, musicians...Keep doing what you are doing. Never stop. Do what you were meant to do, and let that love take you where ever it may take you. This life isn't a love competition, it just life.

Thanks Freedom

2010-03-12T13:28:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: "The sound of the air coming out of the air thingy on the plane"

I'm listening to that, because Freedom broke my earphones. She loves to try and eat them, and apparently Apple doesn't make them waterproof. I would normally be zoned out listening to random music on my phone, but not tonight. Everyone is quiet, listening to their music. Everyone has iPhones around me, by the way. They have made it so easy to just zone out. You can instantly be disconnected from everyone and everything is you want to. I feel so connected to everyone though, the plane, people. Then this guy next to me said "I'm sorry, I noticed that you didn't have your earphones in, and I was wondering if you wanted to talk?" I said "okay" (like how I say it) and we talked all the way to LA.

Ryan is cool, we talked out life, the war, bragged about our kids. It was awesome. He was/is in the military, I'm not sure which one, but he was cool.

I wonder how many connections and conversations i've missed out on because of this great technology, forever surrounding my life. Funny, how people stand in line together, get on the plane sit next each other, and we don't even say "Hi" or introduce ourselves. The waiter comes to our table in the restaurant, and we order, we don't say "Hello Sandy, how is your day going?" instead its "Yeah i'll have the chicken picatta, and can you substitute the baked potato for french fries". Why talk to them? It's their job right? We are a fast train far from our rails.

Where You Are makes me hopefully that we all will be inspired to return to being real people, instead of us all trying to be these robots, who's programs and schedules are far more important than any real interaction. We are so worried about talking to people because we might "bother" them, or we don't want to be "bothered". Crazy. The first thing Ryan said to me was "I'm sorry" like talking to me was a crime.

Walk

2010-03-05T08:15:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: "Swallowed In The Sea" By: Coldplay

Hey guys, I know its been a while since I've typed on this page. I'm a constant work in progress. Hopefully by now you guys have seen the Where You Are site. If not, please check it out. We will be updating it soon with two Where You Are shirts. The first shirt is for an AIDS walk that we are doing in Fort Lauderdale. It is a six mile walk where in Fort Lauderdale. Thousands of people do this walk, its really cool. So we are actually going to walk the walk. We found out about this walk in a cool way. It was last year...March 15th. My wife decided that she really wanted to do this walk. We all have a really big heart for children, all over the world (including America) and kids with AIDS just doesn't seem right to us. So, she really wanted to do her part. I did try to talk her out of it, because she was 9 months pregnant with Free-Free at the time. But sometimes a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do. So, Amy and Tara did this 6 mile walk, and the then, the very next day, my Freedom was born.

March 16th

So, as we gear up for this next walk, I can't help but think about last year. And now we will surrounded by our friends, walking with us, supporting this cause, supporting Where You Are. For me, when people are standing next to me (literally, and figuratively) that goes so much deeper than any money that can be given. We are excited about it, and we will post photos soon, I'm sure.

We are staying the course with Where You Are. We are working pretty hard and we've got a few more things we need to do this month, to promote Where You Are.

Thanks for following us. Never give up...Never Surrender!

FAWN

2010-01-25T07:41:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: "Kiss your Feet" by Delirious

Delirious is my favorite band of all time. I don't pick favorites either. Like I'll never have one favorite movie, but I do have an absolute favorite band, and an absolute favorite song. I'll tell you why it's Delirious later.

On Friday we got the chance to meet with the CEO of FAWN (http://www.fightingaids.org/) about Where You Are, he is from Detroit Michigan, and just happened to be in Miami the day Zack emailed him about Where You Are. We are really excited about partnering with them. If all goes well, they well be bringing food, and healthy liquid nutrition goodies to the camp kids in Swaziland.

Thanks for meeting Frank!

C&I STUDIOS IS DEAD

2010-01-12T13:14:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to: "You Will Pull Through" by Barcelona

Well the title is true....sort of :)

I run C&I with my two brilliant business partners, Zachariah, and Sarah. Smart, smart people. During the summer of 2009, we really started thinking about what we want out of C&I Studios. It really started with Where You Are, to be honest. We were thinking about Where You are, and how we didn't just want to do this "one time" project. Like, we don't want to go to Africa do this huge project, do the camp for the kids, the documentary, and the film, and then be done. The kids go back to their normal lives, and all is forgotten. We want to continue the work in Swaziland. But then it wasn't just Swaziland. Sarah has a huge heart for Africa in general. She spends quite of bit of time in Kenya, South Africa, etc. And we all have this passion for global change, and how America needs an upgrade so desperately. And we just began to talk about what we want. One thing that kept coming up was, its not about money, its not about money, C&I Studios isn't about the money. We want something more. We want an understanding of life. We want to shine light on stories that would otherwise be forgotten. We want to bring awareness and change....We want to change media. Everything that hollywood is about, we want to be about the opposite. So, we thought and thought. Man, there so many phone calls, Zach was still in DC during this time. We just wanted to analyze and evaluate everything that we were doing. We looked at our vision: Create Inspiring Art with Exceptional Quality to Reach Humanity 2.0

We hold everything up against that vision to stay on track with what we are suppose to do. So we looked at our vision. We looked at the three organizations that we support financially every month Flutemaker Ministries, SwaziChild.com, and Camp Sonshine International. We were finally able to see that we weren't acting like a for profit company...we were acting like a Non-Profit...

So in the summer of 2009, C&I Studios died, and C&I Studios Inc., a registered 501c3 Non Profit organization was born.
www.c-istudios.ORG

This has been the most exciting adventure for us. There are many non profit companies out there, but there aren't any non profit Film Studios. So different, so difficult, but we are doing it. We are shifting our focus. Instead of just doing corporate work (commercials, videos, training videos), we are providing severely discounted film services for organizations and people who can't really afford the industry standard rates. And any funds that we get from any corporate job goes to support the three organizations we sponsor, and our projects.

Our films lead the way, a different kind of story telling. We always want to make sure we are being inspiring, sparking change...thinking differently.

We then started a show called Reach: The Revolt (currently in production). The Revolt is a show where C&I Studios travels around the globe to find people who are doing amazing things. We are so excited about this. There are so many people doing great stuff, but no one knows about it, until now. So we are so pumped on traveling worldwide (America included, there are good people America).

So, it all changed. Including our website. Check out: www.c-istudios.org We have a global view now and we think that is vital to always keep our minds thinking bigger than ourselves. We have special hidden links in RED, showing special work.

Speaking of special work. THE WHERE YOU ARE WEBSITE IS ONLINE....YAY!!!!!!!!
www.whereyouareproject.com You can also go to www.c-istudios.org and click on the country Swaziland, or the feature films link.

So, there it is, I just vomited on you, verbally. Our hearts are on paper now, well...internet paper. But you get what I'm saying. BUT, I do need to say this as well. We need your financial help. All the things that we want to do, aren't free. The stories we want to tell through the Revolt, Where You Are, and sponsoring organizations sadly, aren't free to us. We need all the help we can get. So please, if you feel like supporting us (tax deductible of course), there is cool little link on the top right side of the blog where you can give online. And ANY amount seriously is a big deal to do us. $1, $5 seriously anything helps. $1 goes and incredible long way in Africa. If you would like give more than those selected amounts please click here to enter your own custom amount. This is a link to our PayPal donation page, and you don't have to have a PayPal account to send us anything. If you know of anyone who might be interested in what we are doing, or supporting us, please send them the link to this blog. So, Why give to us?

Check out these pages about us, and our projects:
www.c-istudios.com/about
www.c-istudios.com/support

Or check out this cool video that Zack shot, explaining it in super cool black & white. Black & White rules!!

However, we don't just want financial support. We really need so much encouragement. It's so difficult to take on this task, but we don't feel like we decided to do this, it was just meant to be. So, we are just being willing and obedient to what we know we are suppose to do with the rest of our lives.

Thanks you so much. We love you guys.

P.S. Oh, we are trying really hard to go to Africa in April to scout for Where You Are, and just travel and film stories for the Revolt. Wicked excited about everything that is happening. 2010 is going to be a great year.

:)

Happy Birthday

2009-12-23T10:24:00.001-05:00

I'm listening to: the sound of an air conditioner.

While Zoe and I were at lunch yesterday,it was someone's birthday in the restaurant. The whole place started singing...NYC. This world seems so stinkin cold all the time, but it's so cool that people will stop their meal, their conversations and sing (whether they can or not) all for someone they don't even know. Gives me hope.

America..

We haven't lost it yet.....

5am NYC

2009-12-22T23:57:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to: "a conversation in my head I just had"

Today I woke up at 5am, it hurt. But I'm glad I did.

For those of you who don't know I travel a lot to DC for C&I corporate work and film work. On Sunday night we had a client meeting, and then on monday night we shot a film called (he is my brother) very exciting, and then Today (tuesday) I didn't have any plans….so I went to New York City, my favorite town in the whole world. It is so cold here, but so awesome. I don't know many other cities that when you come up from the tunnel you are just excited, hopefully. Its pretty intense. I love it.

Then I thought since i'm here, why not link up with Zoe (one of our leads in Where You Are). Man it was awesome!. We met up at Balthazar in Soho, and we talked laughed, shared together for 3 hours. It was awesome. Very rare do I have a good chance to really just talk to someone for that long and have it just continue to be so interesting and awesome. I was amazed.And we didn't just like "talk" we really tallied in depth, bonded, and grew together. Zoe is so passionate about what we are doing. Here is a quote from her, verbatim:

Zoe: "I'm so excited about the camp, that is my favorite part of the whole project"

That pretty intense for an actress to say. Don't get me wrong she loves the film, but to know that she is just as passionate about the camp, and the kids, really makes me feel good about what we are doing. Its been so hard trying to find the right kind of people for this project, but its good that i'm continuing to learn that the people we already have, really have a heart for others. Everyone single person involved with this project so far, (and there are many) all have that same heartbeat, they all care, they have all said to me at some point "this project is bigger than all of us"

So as I ride back to DC…I'm just so reflective and happy that I went with my gut. I think sometimes, we get to caught up with our grown up lives, that we forget what its like to drop everything and be random, spontaneous. Maybe its not the best way to live, but everyone once an a while you gotta break the routine and live.

I should have taken a photo, of me an Zoe, but it was too cold outset, and…whatever sorry. But Since I've been shooting everyday, there will be a film of my trip. You'll see it on our Vimeo account

I'm grateful. Super awesome christmas gift.

Zoe you rock pretty hard!

Africa

2009-12-11T00:28:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: "All I Need" by Radiohead

This Christmas is different....

Anyway. I'm at the point in the project where I just need to go to Africa. I'm tired. I need to see it. As a producer/director I want to go to scout, look, explore, but for Joshua....I just need to go see. I'm hoping that i'll get to do that in the next few months. Thank you for supporting this project.

Faces to the Names

2009-11-30T12:12:00.009-05:00

I'm listening to: "Love Minus Zero/No Limit" by Bob Dylan

Well friends, I've been wanting to post this one for a long time. While I'm silent from writing this blog, I'm working on Where You Are. We have been working on casting for such a long time and we are finally at a place where we have locked in some amazing actors/actresses to play these special characters.

One thing that I love most about film, is...Well let me tell a little story.

I love the film "Blood Diamond" when I was done watching that film, I felt like changing the world, like saving all the children from Africa. I thought about how Leo's character was struggling to do the right thing, like I feel sometimes. When I was done watching it, I remember checking into my wife's wedding ring, to really see where it had come from. I remember talking with Sarah, and Zach about it, and then, random people that I saw in the elevator. People have used clips from that film in speeches that I've seen, and presentations. People were changed. These characters who do not exist changed real peoples lives...I think that is so interesting. And its all because of how talented these actors live out the story on film. They can bring to life a person who only lives on paper, create them, and play them so well that in return it can inspire us "real people" to change...or act...to dance.

That is why I love film...cause when you are done watching them there is so much more to say, to question, to discuss, unlike Transformers, as when you are done with that Movie (yes movie) all you can say is "yeah it was cool"..."yea..the special effects were awesome"...thats it. I love film. .

And I love talented actors/actresses that create these films and we are so honored to have these people star in "Where You Are".

First. Zoe Mclellan.
Playing the lead role of Jessica Reynolds.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0572721/

You'll recognize Zoe from projects like "Dirty Sexy Money", "Jag", "Star Trek","Mr. Holland's Opus".
Zoe is an amazing actress, and extremely passionate about this project. We are so honored to have her on board. You should also know that she makes me laugh, pretty often. :)

Second. Andrew Roth.

Playing the lead role of Tom Dalton.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1408714/

You'll recognize Andrew from projects like, "Transcendence", The Rise and Fall of Their American Dream", and "Elysium". Andrew is very talented and we are very excited to get him in front of the camera.

Third. Windy Marshall.
Playing the role of Laura Hunter.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2688758/

You'll recognize Windy from projects like, "Harts Ridge", "Eat, Sleep, Repeat", and "Incubator"

We had the pleasure of working with Windy on a previous film and I can't wait to film with her again.

Forth. Julia Broder.

Playing the role of Sheryl Hunter.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2204590/

You'll recognize Julia from projects like, "Remedial Attraction", "Bible Battles", and "Roller Place"

Julia is really special and talented. She is a great additional to the cast.

Well that is all for now. We will have some more cast announcements in the next few week's, but we wanted to share that with you guys now. We appreciate all the encouragement and support. This has been so hard, and the emails, the encouragement, fuels us to keep going no matter how much my flesh tells me to give up. We hold on, we press in, and move forward...together.

Turkey Day

2009-11-26T07:01:00.001-05:00

I'm listening to: the chatter in the car. I haven't listened to music in a while.

It's really foggy in North Carolina as we leave for the airport. For the past three years my family has flown on holidays...like today. I wonder if the fog will make it hard for the pilots to see. I wonder if our own arrogance, pride, and materialistic attitude will make it hard for us to see.

Eat up Americans.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Julia Julia

2009-11-24T12:29:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: Dora the Explorer in the background

Had a great convo with Julia Broder today at 10:00am. You will soon find out who she is. We have a lot of Where You Are meetings lined up in the future. Take it easy...i'm trying to post more, can you tell?

The Site

2009-11-22T10:35:00.001-05:00

I'n listening to: the sound of a cars engine

I found out something about myself...

I suck at building websites. I've tried to work on the Where You Are site myself so we could save some cash, but I have -12 talents in the web area. Sooo...if somebody knows a great web designer...please send them my way. Late!

E: contact@c-istudios.com

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

It's inside of me

2009-11-21T13:38:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to: the wind passing by me.

I got to hang out with my dad today, so cool. My parents never stop parenting, and I think that's awesome. This blew me away though. My dad is a pretty distinguished guy, doctor, 2 PHD's blah blah...we were driving to Loews when he pulled over randomly on the side of the road. I looked around to see what was happening. He saw these men who were pushing their car up a hill. He stopped and said "let's go help them".

Now I see where I get it from. It's been inside me all along.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wait for Isaac, don't Ishmael

2009-11-20T15:14:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: "Sing it Out" by Switchfoot

I'm a plane in this sunset with no where to land. That's kinda how I feel right now. Inside of me...inside of C&I Studios is a dream of peace. Usually I think of situations that are worse than my own, which usually keeps me pretty thankful. I think about kids...africa...south america....america...kids that literally live in the dumps. Then I look at people are closer to me. Friends, who I know by name that also are dealing with their own struggles in America. It just kinda makes me realize that we all need help. Everyone....everyone has something that they are struggling with. When was the last time we picked up the telephone, not the text machine, or the macbook pro, of an email, but straight up called someone specifically to say "hi" and see how things are going....I'm sure we all have people who we know need support though a situation... And I guess its silly of me, but I dream of day when we all can support each other, grow together...cry together. People always ask me what I would do with a million dollars...I usually think, I would do something to get even more money, to help even more people need. But its just money. Really deep down, we have hurts that money can't heal. The kind of pain that can only be healed with real love...not the fake kind.

I guess that makes me feel like...there is sooo much to be done. But I don't know how to dream small, and yes, I get so overwhelmed with not only my "problems" but those around me....and all I can really do, is take this camera, and these words and create something that will spark something inside of someone to become better. That is my whole goal with Where You Are, that people would see this film, watch it, and leave, asking questions, leave feeling uneasy, and eventually asking themselves really tough questions which would inspire change. Thats all I know I can do. This project is just so hard. Its like the work increases everyday, so it always feels so hard to reach this goal, to actively try and change this world. So as I fill out papers, prepare this shot list, research all these legalities of what we are doing...its feels like i'm doing nothing...like i'm just behind a desk... While people are just dying...emotionally...physically. I usually feel such a need to want to rush this project, get it off the ground, let it be the change...NOW...but...this project has a perfect timing to it...I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. And I know that this will happen in perfect time, just like everything else has, and wait for what I know is ahead, instead of rushing and try to force it all to happen with my timing. The beauty of trust is that we cannot see what is ahead...and though it does get difficult daily....

I will wait for you...

I'm Peter Pan

2009-11-15T20:12:00.001-05:00

I'm listening to: "Horizons" by: New City Lions

This song has been in my head for a while now. And this one line has been griping me.

"peter pan...put your sword away....its time to be a man...turn and face the day"

I think that sometimes we get caught up in neverland, and as fun, and fantastic it might seem...there is so much more. There is purpose. I believe there is a very specific purpose that we were all placed on this earth. And you know it too, you can feel it in your heart. And when we all get serious....when look in the mirror, only at our eyes, we can be honest...raw... and ask...is this it....are we living it now? I know there are times when I just wanna sit on the beach, laugh and talk with friends, and just hang out for days...days...but for me...right now... its time for me be a man, and face my responsibility...do what I'm here to do. Cause I might not be here tomorrow...this word right here, could be my last.......

...

...

it wasn't...good...I still have quite a lot to do. Don't forget why you are here. Time to be a man, pick up that guitar, that pen, that brush, that nikon camera, that microphone..and sing until your lungs hurt. Do what you are here to do. So that is where I am, my season... I want to spend time with those that are close to me, all the time, but I know in my core, that I have a larger purpose. So for right now, I need to work. action... and when I feel like stopping, whenever feel defeated.....

run anyway.

It's so easy to forget to live. A friend of mine, Brooke Brown, wrote me an email the other day...just an email, and she was just so stinking encouraging...a lot of people have just been telling me to keep going...and I can't even tell you how much fuel that gave me. funny, usually when people do something that really means a lot to us, we just smile, and usually think to ourselves, "wow that meant a lot" we might tell them thank you, or plan on telling them. But we hardly ever really let them know how much it means...what places they touched in our withered hearts. Sadly we have corrupted our own words..."thank you" hardly means thank you any more, because we have abused it, and forced ourselves to say it whenever. So i'm learning to really be thoughtful with the people have that have really helped me. And in my quest of living life, emails like these, simple emails that say "Josh, keep going...never give up" just re-light the fire in me, paste me back together when i'm so broken. There aren't words I can say that would express how reading them makes me feel. This whole experience of where you are has just challenged me in so many ways. its so long...man its so long, but I adore what I'm learning every new day. Life is a countdown, and these days full of grace are the greatest things that could ever be given.

Dig Me Out

2009-11-14T08:02:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: "Always" by Switchfoot

Sorry, I haven't written in a while. I still don't quite feel like I'm home yet. We have been traveling a lot doing corporate work. I wanted to talk about that for a second. If we ever mention what we are doing on Facebook, or on this blog, its only because we want you guys to know what we are up to.

During the time in my life when I was working at Camp Sonshine, I guess you could say I was the "popular guy". I didn't really choose that, it just sorta worked out that way. Soooo many "friends". Everyone wanted to know what I was doing...it was weird, and very cool for a teenager. Years went on like that. Then, I was dating a girl, that all my friends got to know and loved. Three years later, we had the worst break up of all time I'm sure (doesn't everyone have a break up like that...the worst). Many things were said, and almost instantly......all those friends were gone.... That popular guy learned how to put armor on, learned to protect himself. He decided to keep to himself and really figure out who he was. My years of 22-24 I learned a lot about myself. So many scars on my heart. I got to a place where I didn't tell anyone what I was doing. I always wanted to keep my lips ever so tight. So, its still tough to talk about what C&I Studios is doing, because I don't want it to ever come across like "hey look at us, we are so busy and so awesome". We aren't like that, seriously. It's really just so you know what goes on. And it is that corporate work, those events/commercials/promos vids that we do and so on, that funds our films, it also funds monthly kids in Nicuragua, Swaziland, Kenya, South Africa, and the Phillipines... In our hearts we just desire peace and love. I'm such a hippie. (that is what our entire family was for Halloween by the way..Hippie's)

Some people know this but I've known Amy for about 9 years. She came up to Camp Sonshine every year, and she was one of those friends, who stood by me, no matter what happened to me. And guys aren't that smart...she eventually moved up to Maryland where the camp was, and it was during that time, that we got closer than ever, and it was through her, that she not only began to help heal me, but give me a new strength, and....she would lift me up so high (one tear down my face) and she taught me how to laugh again. Love

Painful memories in the past are difficult, but the solution isn't putting on armor, being protected... its being free, vulnerable. Its about having those tough conversations, when you don't want to....Its about learning to wear your scars like medals, like, "look what I have been through, and i'm still breathing". And man its only though many many many terrible situations, that eventually lead me to crying on the balcony of this house, writing this film we call "Where You Are".

wow this was not the blog I was gonna write...weird...I was gonna write about my friend Brooke Brown...but that is the way it is...i never edit these things...no armor...thanks for being our friends.

I-95 Southbound

2009-11-01T12:53:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to: "Reverly" by Kings of Leon

Auditions are over. Thank God. Things have been pretty busy. I'll post again about the auditions, but they were very successful and we are very happy with how things turned out.

But I wanted to talk a bit about a new transition that we are going through. C&I has a lot of new things that we will be rolling out soon. For right now though, its just a lot of paper work and nothing really "cool sounding" but we are definitely working pretty hard.

I've been working full-time with C&I Studios, and I have been burning the candle on both ends, as they say... We really believe that we are onto a new kind of media experience, and we want to keep our energy and motivation strong ...but it has been rough on me. So, to my aid, comes one of my DC partners Zachariah Lewis. He is moving his family (Jessie & Charlotte to Fort Lauderdale, to join me in running C&I, full-time. This will help with all C&I projects, but especially Where You Are.

I just wanted to give you guys an a update, so you know where we are. Thanks to everyone who reads the blog and sends us encouraging notes/emails, we really need it. It's extremely hard to make films that have meaning, when a lot of people just want to see "big things blow up" on screen. So thank you for being our friends. This next season of C&I will be very amazing.

I Probably Shouldn't Be Posting This

2009-10-15T20:14:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to: "Obsession" by Delirious

(if you have that song, listen to it as you read this)

Just came off of a very rough phone call. Where You Are has one really big challenge. The project has gotten so big, but maintaining the integrity is one the hardest things I've ever tried to do. We need help...production help. So many producers have expressed interest in helping us with funding and so on. And while that is exactly what this project needs....Money...I don't want to just get it anyway I can. I had this conversation with a producer:

Producer: You aren't going to find any investor who cares about your project...all they want is to know how much money they are going to make.

Joshua: Well, I don't want that. I want them to care, and know what they are giving to.

Producer: Thats not reality, you'll never find that, you need to be understanding, and get back to reality, that isn't how it works.

Joshua: We can find that. And its really important to me that we work with people who are passionate about what we are doing, not just throwing money at it.

It went a lot deeper than that, but man it was so hard. Contracts were almost signed, but I just didn't feel good about it, I went back and forth actually. But in my core, I believe in the impossible. I believe in impossible things. This whole project is about people caring about each other, how could accept this selfish money, that only cares about making more. Isn't the integrity of what we are doing important? So something had to be sacrificed. And it wasn't the integrity of the project. And it never will be. The conversation ended with the producer telling me that "Aids has been around for a long time...big deal...you'll need to find something stronger".....

...go to africa, see a child with Aids...kneel down, look him in the eyes, and say...

"big deal"

The Cards

2009-10-15T08:35:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to: nothing...just nothing

I woke up today thinking about my kid. How absolutely amazing she is. 7-months tomorrow. Funny, I look at her sometimes and think "wow we are your parents?.....you are mine?" its so interesting. We didn't get to pick her, she didn't get to choose us....she didn't fill out a form and say that she wanted to live in Fort Lauderdale, by the beach, and wanted a great mom and great dad. Freedom was just giving to us...we were given to her....those are our cards.

My great close friend of many years, Tara, sent me this poem this morning, super early this morning like 12am. And you can call it cheesy or campy, but its dead on in my opinion.

We pray for children
Who give sticky kisses
Who hop on rocks and chase butterflies,
Who stomp in puddles and ruin their math homerwork,
Who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those
Who stare at photographers from behind barbed wires,
Who've never squeaked across the floor in new sneakers,
Who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
Who never go to the circus,
Who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children
Who who bring us fistfuls of flowers and sing off key
Who have goldfish funerals
And slurp their cereal on purpose
Who spit toothpaste all over the sink
And hug us for no reason.

And we pray for those
Who never get dessert,
Who watch their parents watch them die,
Who have no safe blanket to drag behind,
Who can't find bread to steal,
Who don't have rooms to clean up,
Whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
Whose monters are real.

We pray for those
Who throw tantrums in the grocery store,
And pick at their food,
Who shove dirty clothes under the bed
And never rinse out the tub,
Who don't like to be kissed in front of their friends,
Who squirm in church and scream on the phone,
Whose tears we sometimes laugh at
And whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those
Whose nightmares come in the daytime,
Who will eat anything,
Who have never seen a dentist,
Who aren't spoiled by anybody,
Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep
Who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children
Who want to be carried
And for those who must.
For those we never give up on,
And for those who don't have a chance.
For those we smother,
And for those who will grab the hand of anybody
kind enough to offer.

Makes me think about America, Where You Are, Swaziland, and children around the wold. Makes me think about these missionaries who leave this great nation to spend time, and help others in needs in places we wouldn't dream in living. Amazing. Then that make me question, is Freedom spoiled, because she was born here? Am I somehow better because I was born here...No. Those are just the cards...and its about what we do with them that matters.

I started to think about why C&I does what it does. If you don't know anything about Where You Are:Project Swaziland, let me sum it up for you, simply. People have issues, problems all of the world, and people in America either don't care, are too "busy" to care, decide its "not their problem", or block it all out. The biggest problem in this world, the absolute largest problem, bigger than AIDS and Cancer is how people (mostly Americans) sit here, work here live here, watch the news, read the newspapers, know that there are problems all over the world, and do NOTHING....people love to talk....they even talk about the problems in the world, and what people "should" be doing...but it takes special people to DO. As those people read this, they immediately come up with excuses and try to justify their lifestyles, and come up with other things that they are "doing"..."I give this amount of money to the Red Cross, and blah blah blah", and i'm not dissin that...i'm just saying, any kid I know....and i've known kids, work with kids for a very very very long time....they would much rather...a hug...kicking a ball with you, you showing them love...giving them hope....rather than your money....

America is C&I's mission field....and we will never rest until hearts and minds are changed.

Join the Revolt!

Avenue of the Stars

2009-10-13T13:34:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to: "All I Really Wanna Do" by "Bob Dylan

Anyone in the film industry knows the address "1000-2000 Avenue of the Stars". Home of the Creative Artists Agency, one of the biggest talent agencies in the world. I was at the post office today mailing off another little Where You Are nugget to one of my favorite agents-this time she called me to request information.

Things have been getting so stinking professional, its been weird for me. Of course we always do things with the highest quality. I'm just not to people talking about films as if they are dollars, instead of what they are about, and I never will get used to that. I've been having some good talks with these agents, and some of them could care less what the story is about...they just wanna know what the target audience is, and how much I think it will make. Funny. Hollywood is funny. I really think people listen to the loudest person thats talking....and right now thats Hollywood. Well guys....keep encouraging our little C&I engine, as we chug on down the line...Lets all make our voices loud....louder than the radio. The good news is there are good people still in the world, even at the Creative Artist Agent. So, keep your fingers cross as I think we are all being consistently shocked at where "Where You Are:Project Swaziland" is taking itself.

31

2009-10-12T19:23:00.002-04:00

I'm listening to: "The Healing" by James Newton Howard

The average age for a woman in Swaziland is 31.

Restless

2009-10-05T19:15:00.002-04:00

I'm listening to: Falling Slowly by: Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

Sometimes I feel so close to this project. Things have been slowly falling into place over the last year an a half. This has been by far, the longest pre-production process I've ever been in. And its really been challenging for me. Why? I love to film. I live for it. I love being in ratty clothes, tired beyond your mind, looking at this preview screen, wearing headphones, watching the most talented people bring characters to life. I love the experience. I love how actors, and key grips, and gaffers, become friends, comrads...pals...(do people still say pal?)

I haven't been on a film set in over a year, and that has really been bothering me. We have chosen to stay focused on Where You Are and other feature films at this time, and we haven't been run and gunning like we used to. This will make for a much better film product in the end, I'm sure.

(iTunes changed...now I'm listening to: Prologue by: James Newton Howard, love him!)

So, for now we are still in pre production of Where You Are. We have officially signed on talent to the project (can't wait to tell you who), man there have been some exciting things that have happened. We are currently getting new producers as well. Its a lot. I'm humbled at how large this thing is...but ultimately despite everyone percentages and so on that we have to discuss and meet about, and all the contracts...

I just want to make this project. I just want to do it. And man, there is so much room for help. So many actors and crew members have told me "if I'm not cast, I still want to help". That is exactly what we need...help. Feel free to email me to get specifics on how you can help financially, and not. There is so much work, but it will be so rewarding as we step off that van in Siteki and look out on these people who have an understanding of life that we don't.

I want to make it so I can continue to realize how petite my issues and silly money problems are...none of it matters...I'm growing more and more thankful for the struggle that I'm in everyday, because some people...can't even struggle.

I'm writing a new film now by the way.....its titled... "Me, You, & the Road". Since we are close, I thought I should share that with you.

Live.

if you wanna help.....email us: contact@c-istudios.com

Official

2009-09-29T17:58:00.002-04:00

I'm listening to: "Sea of Love" by Cat Power

Sorry I haven't written in a while, things have been super busy, which is great. I'm back in Florida. This month I've been more in DC than I have been in Florida, and that isn't right. But duty called so Zack and I did a ton of work in the district.

This will be a shorty cause our C&I meetings are Tuesday, but we got the Where You Are, official US copyright certificate in the mail yesterday. We register every film we write with the WGA, but for this one we also sent it out 6 months ago to the US copyright office to be officially ours. Feels good.

We are still scrolling through many headshots and watching many video auditions, and I can't wait to announce amazing things soon!

Uhhh, I haven't forgot

2009-09-10T09:03:00.002-04:00

I'm listening to: "The Gambler" by Fun

Zach is notorious for giving me music that I listen to all the time. He is like a musical santa....that comes everyday....but he's isn't fat..

I haven't forgot about you guys or this blog.... I guess me not blogging all the time, is good, that means we are working hard. Today I'll have some fun, the wife and I are FINALLY going to go do something for us...this hasn't happened in I can't even remember...we are going to see one of my favorite bands Switchfoot here in Fort Lauderdale. I hope to chill with Mr. Jon Foreman himself at the after party and talk to him about Where You Are.

Switchfoot has been a major inspiration to me, and Where You Are. And a lot of the film wouldn't have happened if Switchfoot and Jon Foreman wasn't blaring in my ears. They have no clue who I am, that I even exist....and I think that is the cool thing about art...film....music....you have the ability....when you take it seriously to really impact sooo many people who you don't even know...I can only hope that C&I will have the same impact on people all over the world.

FYI, my favorite Switchfoot song is: Life, Love, & Why. And if you are a fake SF fan, you have no clue what that even is....ha...

miss you guys, I promise to get the internets more...yes i said internets...not a typo.

On Screen

2009-08-30T09:21:00.003-04:00

I'm still listening to: "Vanilla Twilight" - Owl City

news:

Auditions have been flooding in, so amazing to see the great talent. What is even more awesome is everyone that has emailed me so far as very moved by being a part of something important, something bigger. It's amazing to find that there are still amazing passionate people in America.

My wife and I were watching a film last night.....really can't remember the name. Well let me start over. A few days ago, it was time to move Freedom into her crib, so she could begin to sleep in her own bed. This was really hard for amy and I. Being 20 steps away was like some sort of separation, I still hate every moment of it. So the only way this was possible was to buy one of those crappy baby monitor things. But we really wanted to see her, so we got one that had a screen, and it sits on our night stand so we can see and hear here.

Well during the moving.....State of Play, that was it. We both have to watch it again, because we found that during the whole move we kept asking each other what happened, cause we were always looking at her baby monitor screen. Our TV in our room is a 57" Samsung HD, amazing TV (come on, a I'm film director), it has an amazing picture, and we rarely watch anything that isn't in HD, I mean why would you.

I just think its interesting that depsite our glorious TV, and the amazing talent of Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck and others all displayed in HD....what kept our attention, was the crappy, heave small 4inch CRT(not LCD) baby monitor....

It really made me think...As a film director and producer, the image, and quality is really important to us. We shoot with these RED cameras that are so amazing, with these expensive microphones and huge productions...But when its all said and done.....its whats on the screen that matters.

Story is King.

Forget the budget and all the production value that will go into this project, I want people to be moved by the story of the film, the interviews from the documentary, and the camp. I want people to be moved by people, by what they are seeing. It's all about whats on screen, and I know Hollywood has forgotten that. I usually find myself watching films and I think "this film was absolutely horrible, how did it make it in theaters". Well hollywood is very different than C&I Studios. T hey only look at what is marketable, and what will sell, thats it. Nothing else really matters. For us, we care about making something that other will want to see, but we are way more interested in doing this project to reach out beyond ourself, and speak for a group of people who have no voice....We are way more interested in using our acting, directing, producing, and cinematography talents for something more than a quick buck. And we can't wait to put these moments on the screen.

Feel Alive Again

2009-08-28T10:49:00.004-04:00

I'm listening to: "Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City (on my iPhone)

Our MacPro (Counte Mondego) is installing Snow Leopard right now, so I can't open up iTunes, thank god for the iPhone. (remember when we all got on the bus, went to school, got back on the bus, got off at our bus stop and walked home....all without cell phones....I swear the technology is killing our minds...maybe i'll read a newspaper today and play MathBlasters (remember that game)...my sister would be proud of me....unless its the sun-sentinel that I read.

I'm still getting adjusted to this new work environment. After many long talks with my wife, my sidekick (freedom) my managers (mom+dad), and my partners we have decided to finally let C&I Studios be my full time job. I'm looking forward to see what the future holds. I gotta tell you, its not easy. It's not easy cause its not safe, its not secure. And it really requires us to put our faith and our trust in something bigger...

It's only been a week so far and things have been working out well, thanks for all the emails from all of you. I feel really supported. Thanks Windy, Brad, mom and dad, and...mom and dad, Zachariah, Sarah, and Isaac

Some news:

Zachariah drives to Philly tomorrow to pick up some new equipment. Please let me know if there a good restaurant up there that he should check out on the way.

The Owl City show is coming up really soon, and we are excited to shoot that. Its been in the works for a long time.

I'll be in DC a lot in September, so if you are reading this from MD or the District, let me know, so we can have a midnight conversation.

Onto my friend-Where You Are. We have set the auditions for October 24th, 2009 at the DC Arts Center. So if you know of good serious actors, tell them shoot us their info, here is my email: contact@c-istudios.com

This is a big step for us, really reaching out to find the right people to play these characters who are already full of life. I love what we are doing. Ya know, sometimes, everything doesn't make sense. Sometimes life is just life. I just think when you believe in something, just go after it, and never quit. Ever. It has been a crazy marathon so far, and its been hard, but beautiful at the same time. I don't have a "real job" now. Who says I need one? I love how I feel like I'm really living, spending more time with my sidekick and my wife. Oh bills....ha....sadly they don't care that I don't have a real job...they keep coming for some reason. If anyone knows how to stop them, let me know. We can make a film about it :)

A big part of C&I Studios is our work, our corporate and creative work. We have always shot, and edited for companies (commercials, promos, events, that sort of thing). Now that is the bulk of what we do now. And we are excited that the more we do, the more we will be able to put in to our creative projects like Where You Are, and many many more films/shows/podcasts. So its been awesome to get out of the long line, and start our own.....do something different.

I wish you could see who we've become....

When violet eyes get brighter, And heavy wings grow lighter , I'll taste the sky and feel alive again , And I'll forget the world that I knew , But I swear I won't forget you, Oh, if my voice, could reach back through the past , I'd whisper in your ear, Oh darling I wish you were here...

kings to you fernand...

here is a pic of my sidekick grabbing fruit at Publix (no her hands aren't huge, its just that the camera is close, silly....)

This 27 lives for you

2009-08-21T18:54:00.002-04:00

I'm listening to: "Cycling Trivalities" by Jose Gonzalez

I lost my job today (yes I had a real job) happened about 1 hour ago.

I have a wife a child who visits the doctor frequently. I live in a great condo on Fort Lauderdale beach. The Honda Element and Hyundai Santa fe are our two vehicles of choice....I can't forget about my beloved Honda Met. Electricity, water, cell phones, internet.....all things we have found to be a necessity. My daughter......and all of her new born expenses....allthough if she were to read this, she would tell you that she is not a newborn anymore. I feel so weird.....this has never happened to me before.....all I can think of is....

Life is beautiful.

So many people in Swaziland and across the globe have it so much worse than I do. Instead of thinking of how they will pay for their amazing lifestyles, they think about how they will find clean water in the next 30 minutes.

Life is beautiful.

I can only be excited about this new chapter.....this fresh season of anticipation and nervousness. I am not alone...I can feel your approach.

Thanks for being our friends.

Broward and US-1

2009-08-17T09:50:00.008-04:00

I'm listening to: "Teardrop" by Jose Gonzalez

news:

-C&I got on the twitter train, and we've been making tweets, for the tweeters to see. So yeah...if you are on there, let us know so we can follow you....user name c_istudios

-we are working on a new video for Facebook....top secret stuff...hopefully it will come out soon.

-we have another feature being written this year, as well as a great new podcast. We are doing some cool stuff. Thanks for being our friends.

A few days ago, my friend Susan (who runs the camp/school in Swaziland) returned to her home in Fort Lauderdale, so we hooked up at the local Starbucks on Broward and US-1. It was just awesome. We got a chance to talk. She finally saw pictures of my Freedom, and we talked all about Swaziland and life. So great.

I read a blog earlier by Brad Lewis, about communication, and how he's found that awesome conversations happen usually when are you away from your "usual" surroundings. I totally agree. I think people get caught in the trap of the routine (they don't think they are caught but they are). Literally driving on the same exact roads, walking down the same exact hallways, getting the exact same drink from Starbucks, the same exact sub from Subway, and end up talking to the same exact people. This happens everyday, then we usually wonder why nothing amazing is happening to us....Well from what I see, if we live that sort of life, that isn't really amazing anyway. To get friends, you have to be a friend, the best life lesson I'm re-learning, cause I watch Veggie Tales with my daughter daily. I recommend Veggie Tales especially for people who are too old for it. When was the last time, we planned something, drove somewhere where we didn't know how to get there, and met someone...stood awkwardly wondering when this person will show up. Since we've been down here in Florida, meeting new friends, and forcing ourselves to get out there, has been a very familiar situation.

It was awesome meet up with Susan at Starbucks. She really encouraged me with Where You Are . I do go up and down with this project all the time. Sometimes there is so much good news to spread and other times I get so overwhelmed with the amount of paperwork and planning that I'm doing that I get discouraged. Susan told me that the kids are so excited to meet us. She's been talking with them, and she's says that they are just so pumped and they smile each time they here the name C&I Studios. Thats so awesome. That gave me so much fuel just to imagine their smiles. Some of the women in Stieki (pronounced si-teki) made us some awesome hand made cards. so cool. Then we talked a lot about the film, and the best ways to film it, and work with the people in the town. Its so big. A lot to plan. We had scheduled ourselves to be in Swaziland in October, but that will have to pushed back, sadly....

But she said this to me. She said "Josh sometimes people get so worked up and try to force something to happen, you have to realize that its already happening, maybe not at the speed you want it to" She encouraged me that the kids will be there, and they are waiting for us. I just hope that they won't have to wait so long. But this project isn't about me or my timing, but for now I'll just plan it and continue to dive in the the paperwork and press on like we have the budget that we need, and have more unique conversations with people and build new relationships.

relationships....life is about relationships...and I hope I can be re-taught that lesson over and over every single day.

9855 Days

2009-08-07T06:43:00.005-04:00

I'm listening to: "The Burning Bush" by Hans Zimmer

Today is my birthday.

On the calendar I told myself to wake up at 12am and write a blog, but that wasn't happening last night, so here I am at 6:44am. I don't really like my birthday (maybe i'll tell you why someday). I don't really like all the attention and all the focus on me. I also just don't understand why only today it will feel like I have so many friends...when in reality......

Anyway. The only thing I can think of this 27th year is how this year will be someone's last year on this earth. This year I've learned a lot, I really been focusing on learning more about people and communication. My biggest lesson so far this year has been that life is a gift, and I'm not sure why people don't understand that. We make plans in our daily planners, for future days, we set our alarms and schedules, to meet with people, and we plan. We plan like this life is somehow ours...when in reality life has been given to us.

People always say "oh yeah tomorrow isn't promised to us" but we don't really believe that cause our actions don't show that. If we really believed it then we would act like it. Things would be said that have always needed to be said, there would be more hugs, more love, more reconciliation, more kisses. Some would realize that the petty arguments and vows of silence are somehow ridiculous. Life. We write films about life because that is the only thing that matters. And now I've reached the 27th year of my life, and I'm really just thankful. As much of a struggle of Where You Are is....I'm so thankful that I have something to struggle with...some people don't.

Where You Are......I love this film. I love this project. I'm meeting up with Susan sometime today, she runs the organization in Swaziland, and she just got back to Fort Lauderdale, so we are gonna grab coffee and hopefully, talk, laugh, and cry.

Oh, I did want to try and share with you some things that we are do for Where You Are, its not like we are sitting around waiting for it to fall in our laps. We just finished our DIT plan, and for those of you are into Wikipedia you can find out what that is. But Zachariah, my partner, is responsible for one of the biggest tasks on this project, (the footage...aka...the gold), and he just finished writing the plan of how we will store over 12TB of footage and back it all up. So we just finished that, and we are putting that in place now.

That has nothing to do with what I was talking about, but I'm just letting my heart tell the story today, and it just wants to be all over the place right now. I never edit these blogs, I just write them as the hearts wants to say them. I guess you could ask what do I want out of this year? Well, I'm not a fan of making goals, plans, lists...only to not follow through with them. I am a huge fan of accountability. And people sometimes don't realize that when their real friends are telling them something difficult they aren't deciding to be a jerk, they are actually being a real friend. I have two real friends, who are my partners, Zachariah, and Sarah. They keep me accountable, ask me questions, push me, challenge me. Without that, goals would just be letters on a paper. And because of their accountability that is why we move forward. So do a quick check around you, the people in your life that will tell you the truth, which is sometimes not what you wanna hear, the ones that actually will have the rough conversations...those are the ones you wanna hold onto. I'm so blessed to have both Zach and Sarah as my partners, but more importantly, friends.

My birthday wish...has nothing to do with me, but all of us. Its the same wish I have everyday, the wish for Where You Are, for our studio for everything. LIVE life....refuse to get caught up in things that don't really matter....take a day off, visit the beach, visit great falls. Take our your camera out, whip out that paint brush...get behind that keyboard...take your family, and go out, take pictures, have a pinic, watch the sunrise...tell someone that you love them...tell someone that you are in love with them....LIVE life....LIVE life

...by the way, my left leg hurts when I wake up, the right side of my hip stings, I can't sleep through the night without going to the bathroom.......someone tell me body I'm not getting older please.

...and another one

2009-08-05T13:43:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to: "Your Love is Strong" by: Jon Foreman

I'm at work right now (yes I have a real job.....for now...gotta do that insurance thing for my girls..) anyway

I work with this guy Alex, who is really cool, has a good heart. 4 minutes ago he asked me if I'm filming anything, or planning anything....baby!...so I got to talk about Where You Are, and he was really captivated and excited about it. I got more excited...

another person just got on the Where You Are train....

My Secret Weapon

2009-08-03T11:43:00.000-04:00

I'm listening to: "10 hours" by Warren Barrfield

Some news. Sorry I've been in the shadows. I have problems. But anyways here is some upcoming items for C&I:

8.14.09

C&I Studios has entered into the 48hr film festival in Miami, should be fun. We are always trying to create more and more films (especially shorts, that help our Reach program), hopefully this should turn out well. We are excited about it.

9.12.09

C&I is set to record a live concert with Owl City at the Rock & Roll Hotel in DC. We are really pumped about working with this really talented artist. This project is going to turn out really well.

Where You Are is doing well. I struggle constantly with producing this film. It's so beyond me. And that is a good thing. I know that this film will mean more than them all put together, and not because of how it will be made, but because of the things I've learned.

The biggest thing I've learned about being a filmmaker is that, having an amazing wife is better than any film equipment you could ever have. My wife (amy) is the reason C&I has been successful with everything. I know that people watch our films, and see the amazing quality, good acting, powerful music and all of that, but what most people fail to see is the one woman that powers ever production. How you ask?....Amy is the one that encourages me like no one else in the world to write more. Her gentle back rubs, and much needed massages happen every-time I write a screenplay. She is always the first person to hear the film as an simple idea, she then breathes life into it, by giving me time to write it, and develop it. It's her excitement that carries me often. My wife is a fashion girl, she is also ridiculously hot. She loves shopping, the beach, and having fun, but she also has chosen to fall in love with filmmaking because of me. I don't know many women that would let their husbands take away the living room/family room to put an entire studio in it. And she loves it, supports it. She's honest with me about when something is done well, and when it can be better. And when I feel alone producing anything, sometimes she says absolutely nothing, but just sits right next to me, as I work. I love her...As our films fail....and some of them have....Amy is the one that scrapes up the broken pieces of me and someone assembles them together even stronger than they were before. She teaches me to write again. Dream again...oh I might have failed to mentions that each of our films always cost thosands upon thosands of dollars to make, and Amy's response is always the same.. "babe will do whatever we have to, to make it happen". And she does. She always does.

So when I think about Where You Are, and dreaming about the moment where I pace back and forth in the back of the theatre while others watch this film, know this.... While you are sitting in the seat, glued to the beautiful film canvas, captivated by beauty, know that it was all because this one woman chose to love me in a way that no film could ever capture. I'm no fool. Our studio is blessed to have Amy. Not only putting me in front of her own needs, but putting the studio in front as well.

My wife is love.

Find The Beauty

2009-07-13T23:15:00.005-04:00

I'm listening to: "Safe Place" by Enter the Worship Circle

I can't sleep. Well its only 11:43pm. Early for some of your I'm sure. But I have two girls I take care of now, both who like to sleep early. It's that I'm not tired, its that something is preventing me from sleeping....i'm restless. I'm uncomfortable.

oh...please read the post below this if you are new....my fear is that some of these get lost in the shuffle, but that last one by sarah means a lot to me, and it comes from a really special place.

....I have a tough time trying to say what I wanna say....music slams in my head as I type drowning out the sound of my fingers on the keyboard, just the way I like it.

My daughter...

She is four months on July 16th. Wow, I can't believe she is almost four months...I noticed something about her around her 3rd day being in this world. She looks at everything. She holds her eyes sooo big, she opens them so wide, and she has a tough time going to sleep now during the day, cause she doesn't want to miss anything. The other day we were over a buddies house, and she just couldn't stop looking at the ceiling. The ceiling. She starred at it. So...I starred at it, I didn't see anything, nothing special, but eggshell paint, it wasn't even one of those rough ceilings that you see sometimes. She looked at it for a while, then she looked at a pillow, she looks at everything. And its not like she just looks around, she studies, she is very observant. She likes to understand things. When Amy and I are discussing anything, Free Free gets really quiet and she just looks at us, trying to understand what we are talking about it. She just looks at everything.

Freedom finds the beauty in everything. It doesn't have to be a flower, it can be a bearded gentlemen asking for change on the street that captures her attention for the moment....anything, she finds the beauty in him, she finds the beauty in everything....she has nothing to hold her back. I can only pray that she will never lose that trait. Seems like everything these days bring me to Where You Are....and Free certainly did. Because she misses no opportunities. If there is something she hasn't seen before, she is quick to turn her head and stare at it, and i'll have to grab her sometimes, cause she'll look so hard that she try to get out of my grip. She captures it all in. I want that. I wanna be like her. I wanna see the beauty in everything. I wanna look at the ocean like I've never seen it before. Or look at the homeless man on the street, and not think about what he will do with the money, just think about...him. the person. I wanna live like that. I wanna live, and not miss opportunities to see, talk and feel. The beauty of film, I think are lenses. Lens companies do their best to replicate the human eye, the closer they get the better the image, but they will never come close. Never. Film is awesome cause we try to do our best to capture the things that we see. Film also won't judge what the lens sees, it just captures beauty, and love....Beauty and love. There are so many amazing things in this world, so many amazing stories, so many amazing people, but sometimes we miss opportunities to share, to talk, to laugh, to cry....we get on the elevator and hold our heads down, pull out our iPhone's so we don't have to talk to anyone....missing life. Missing opportunities....Humanity 2.0. We talk about that a lot. We look forward to that. We look forward to Where You are, to strike up conversations with people, to hug, to love, to reveal, to laugh and cry....Together. And see the beauty in Africa, see the beauty and love. Capture it the best way we know how, and show it to the world.

...Do something random, surprise yourself, do whatever it takes to break your legs out of their pattern and walk down a different hallway to your office this time. Discover how wide and deep your love is. Find the beauty in what exists all around you.

Thank you for believing in us...

I Feel Invisible

2009-06-30T21:12:00.005-04:00

I'm listening to: "first breath after coma" by explosions in the sky
(This is Sarah. Just so you know.)
I'm in camp mode right now. Which means working 14 hours a day on a good day, doing all sorts of random manual labor, pretty much having no friends except my car as we go to and from work each day, and talking to kids.

Talking to kids. Without a doubt, my favorite part of the job. Depending on how old they are, the experience is so completely different.

The little ones are so honest, so free to say what they think, no matter how it sounds. If one bothers another, they hit each other. Done.

The older ones, though... The older ones.

Today I spent a half hour with a group of 11-year-old girls. Girls who hurt each other everyday. By not including everyone, by talking behind each other's backs... it's a rough world out there. While I was with them, I had them write down how they had felt, if any of them had been bullied in the past week. And here's what I got:
I felt like I didn't exist.
I felt terrible.
I felt like I had a disease and like no one wanted to be my friend.
I felt invisible.

It didn't take too long for my mind to wander to Siteki.

Taking time to sit with these girls and talk to them gave them a voice. They were free, so able to talk about how they'd failed and how they'd felt. They had an adult who made them feel safe, who listened to them.

One thing that is lacking in this world is people taking time to listen to kids. In some cases, like in Siteki, I'd guess, there isn't really time for that. The adults that are with the children there are trying to make ends meet, trying to take care of the basic needs--food, shelter, clothing. That makes sense to me.

But all of us yearn to be heard, to be understood, to be free. Some of us are blessed to be placed in environments growing up where we have those needs met. So many are not. So, yes, I'm excited to go to Swaziland, to make this film, to run the camp, to inspire action...

But more than any of that, I just want to listen. To prevent one more child in the world from feeling invisible.

Then We Succeed

2009-06-29T07:42:00.004-04:00

I'm listening to: "Please Don't Go" by Barcelona

hey all,

first a little news. sarah is at camp now.......a part of me feels like I'm at camp now too. It's crazy to think that we will be running that in Swaziland. Anyway news.....uhhh nothing huge at the moment. We are planning to hold the 1st Where You Are audition in Washington D.C. in late August/early September. Once we cast this will allow us to do some much necessary test shoots, before we film the film. More details about the auditions will come very soon. We will run a few probably in some different cities, but we are excited to get this going.

Movies...... I love watching movies... you might think that is typical, but I like watching all types of film...all types, EXCEPT horror........uhhh..........uhh...okay i'm gonna get up on soap box about horror movies.....they make me sick. And its not because of the blood or gore that is in them, but its bigger, I can't get lost in a horror movie (and I do say movie, not film). Usually when I've watched them in the past, I can see myself watching one, and that is what makes me sick...what is so terrible about them, is that people pay for them, and pay to watch them, for entertainment. People pay to see people be viscously killed and "its cool". To me its no different than putting on come clothes, going to the Colosseum to see some people get killed by lions...that was there entertainment back them, gather around put some people in there and watch them be killed. Now one would argue that the horror movie isn't real, no one is really dying.....but the feeling you feel is real....probably the same way someone would feel watching in a Colosseum... its just strange... it represents the dark dark side of humans... the fact that we want to see that kind of thing, scares the hell out of me. okay, sorry I wasn't planning that...and of course I'm thinking about deleting it, but....I'm not.

I love film because to me its an education, I love to study. So i'll watch them all, action, chik flicks, and all that, cause I love to study, see what the director did. But the entertainment has been lost, I haven't found myself lost in a moving story in so long. Seems like now everyone wants computers to make their films, put 2 actors in a green warehouse and make Transformers. (Which I'm sure will make millions and millions and millions of dollars, the first one made over 150 million, and the second has already made 200 million in one weekend...but its a pointless movies, about robots, which is cool, but doesn't inspire or move anyone to change anything about themselves. and on the side you have "Into the Wild" which got no attention, at all, but had one of the strongest messages I've seen in a long time).......and what will they do with the 300+ MILLION dollars that they have now.........uhhh make Transformers 3 of course....uggg...Movies... They can be so powerful. Its a lot of power to take millions of dollars and create something. I'm excited that C&I will always use that power for good. We will always use that power to create something that inspires people, that tries to open up all of our eyes, instead of making something with a bad story line, bad acting, but has "super cool CGI".

I was watching this interview thing I watch, a group of guys sitting around a table, drinking wine, basically discouraging every film maker in the world about how hard it is to make a film and how people should just be using youtube and stuff, to showcase work and that "you are better off winning the lottery than making a successful movie". Its funny, cause they consider themselves to be so knowledgeable about the film industry, but man, they lack hope...they lack something bigger, they are just marching in line with the other ants....without hope for anything else, and sadly they are broadcasting this show erasing hope from other dreamers...so sad. When people have dreams why are there always people who wanna crush it? So, I began to think, what if Where You Are doesn't make it, what if the film gets no attention, what if only three people watch it, it "fails" in the eyes of hollywood, and we lose money, and we are stuck with a mountain of unsell-able dvd's.......well if that happens...

Then we succeed...

why..because I'm just so hopefully that if even three people watch it then its good? no. but if three people watch it and are inspired to create something, do something, if three people watch it and they affect the other people that they interact with, if they then challenge people, and they themselves create something new.....we succeed. If no one watches it, we succeed...why, cause there are a group of kids in Swaziland that we just loved on during camp.......

and everyone of those hugs is worth more than any film.

here is pic of Swaziland. These are the exact kids and the exact location of where we are going...thanks for being our friends.

One Dies...Another Gets Even Stronger

2009-06-26T22:30:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to: "Divine Romance" by Phil Wickhman

Hey...

We decided to get rid of our other blog, you may not have ever heard of it. It was C&I Studios News. It was just too hard to keep both of these up and running, and now with this facebook thing, a lot of our news goes there. But in an effort to keep the news running, i'll be updating this blog with some general C&I Studios News, which will also translate into Where You Are updates as well. I hope you don't mind. So one blog died tonight......

moment of silent for the zeros and ones....

over it....

Tonight I wanna talk about community. Community and filmmaking...they go hand in hand for me. Let me explain why. I'm so isolated being in Florida, my business partners and close friends are in D.C. and I'm down here, so far away. Some nights...like tonight its easy to feel so alone. And why would I think that. I have a a beautiful wife, and a beautiful daughter, so why would I feel so....how I feel now... I've been thinking about community recently. And how I love community, the feeling of a group a people doing something together, struggling together. I would always tell Amy, I wish I would pick some of my friends and just move to an island together. Its community that I crave so much. To have people who understand you, on the same wavelength, non-judgmental...that you can fall back on. I don't know maybe that doesn't exist anywhere, but its a dream of mine, and the reason I like film so much, is because it takes a community to make one. Good filmmaking is not a one man band. And I'm enjoying being a part of the Where You Are community. The heart beat of C&I is people coming together, working together, to create something beautiful. And I believe that we will all learn something about ourselves, and each other.

Live Together, Die Alone.

We are so excited to you join us. Each of you will bring something so new, and unique to the project. That is going to be really special, and this blog will continue to document this adventure. I sometimes imagine what it will be like to blog in Africa, I can't wait. (well i can wait a little, we have a lot to do) Its funny too, our studios has such an international heart beat, but really Sarah is our only international traveler so far. I went to the DR with my wife a couple years back, but that really doesn't count as "being out of the country. Does it?" So, really i'll get to have the experience of Where You Are (just so you know in the studio we abbreviate our film titles so when we talk about Where You Are, we always say WYA) and the experience of true international travel. I'm excited about life, even if I'm down in Florida away from so many. I'm sure that being isolated and down here has been the best thing for the project, and allowed me to focus and reflect. And honestly, WYA would have never if we didn't move to Florida, but that story is for another blog.

I'm going to do my best to update this blog more, on a regular basis, but I also don't want to over burden you either. So sit back, relax and enjoy this journey with us.

I read something somewhere that if you want more people to read your blog you should have pictures.......i don't have any...

Everything else was just a prequel...

2009-06-13T11:48:00.004-04:00

I'm listening to: "Intimate Stranger" by Delirious

hey there... hope you all have been doing well. C&I Studios has been going through a lot of changes in the past few weeks, which has been really really great. We are excited to continue to move this ship forward. What's really interesting about Where You Are, is that its caused us to question a lot of things about the studio. And if you ask me we have completely changed our studio because of this project. It's been an awesome journey so far. And to me, its the journey that matters.

A lot of people can't wait until they "arrive", win the oscar, or land that "big part", but I think its the journey matters more than where you will end up. I look at the things that i've learned along the way and its been refreshing. This project has changed me, and the people that we have met as well has been so meaningful. To me the road to Where You Are is just as important as Where You Are. And sure there have been down times, and discouragement, but that mostly comes from ourselves I think.

Its funny how we can be our own worst enemy. I remember my college days; I would sleeping in the bed and my alarm would go off at 6:30am. (what an insane time to wake up, who has anything to do then), but the alarm would ring, and I would silence it. Then I would always do something so stupid... My body try to convince my mind that I didn't have to go to class, and that missing one class wouldn't be so bad, or that, "you know the professor is just going to talk about the same thing again", "you can get the notes from someone". ha. man I missed so many classes, and had to repeat a bunch along the way in order to graduate. We can be our own worst enemy. We, us, ourselves can convince ourselves to stop....give up. Why? I don't know, maybe its our fear of failure, or we are so overwhelmed with everything else that is going on, we can't even see how our small tiny little hearts can change anything in this love lost world.

So learning how to go against the grain, to do what seems impossible, to fail, and continue to fail and then....continue...these lessons have been so valuable to me. And I know Where You Are will be better because of it, but also me as a person, I want to continue to go through these new trials... the road that we are on now, is the one that matters most.

Holding my daughter in my hands, looking into my wife's loving eyes, and this project in my heart, I feel like my life is just starting. Everything before this was just a prequel... I feel like everything before was just setting me up for these new moments. Before, a long time ago, I worked at a summer day camp for nine years called Camp Sonshine from the ages of 13-22. There I learned a lot about love, how to show it, not preach it. That is where I found a love of acting, and drama, and then later there, a love of video, film, story-telling. It was there that I knew I love kids, and how they continue to steal a large portion of my heart. Kids are innocent....they are honest. They will tell you what they think, their laughs are genuine, always... and I miss hearing that more than anything. It was at camp where I struggled to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. It was at camp where I failed....a lot, so many times letting my attitude and ego get in the way of the bigger picture. It was camp where I learned to pick myself up from failures and continue to press on, and be different.

Wow.... .... wow..

Well, the reason I wow, is because this project is all about kids, love, and a struggle within all of us. A big part of the project is a day camp that we are running in Swaziland for the kids, mostly with HIV, to show them real love and give them hope and purpose. I'm honored that it will be Camp Sonshine that joins with us now, to run the camp, and be featured in the documentary and the film. Wow. Sarah and I got to meet with David Black, the founder of Camp Sonshine about a week ago in Maryland, and it was amazing to sit and talk with him and be excited together...again. David, is such an amazing person! And though sometimes I've heard the same things repeated from him over the years, its those words now that give me more strength to continue on....

"have a vision so big, that without God intervening...it will fail..."

so we press on, thanks for believing in us.

p.s. by the way I get up at 6:30am now everyday for Freedom....ironic, huh...but this time I LOVE IT.

Just Play It Safe Then

2009-05-20T07:07:00.008-04:00

I'm listening to: "Falling Out of Trees" by Barcelona

...I wake up early now. It's around 6:50a.m. I feel like I'm getting older. I know my body is. I pray that my mind stays young and open.

I've been thinking a lot recently about risks....taking risks.... Some of us are risk takers and some of us like to play it safe. I don't know how you get to be one or the other, but its true.

I've been thinking that the safest place for a boat or ship to be is docked at a harbor. That is the best, and safest place that a ship could ever be. No one is at risk or at danger on a boat that is docked. No emergencies, nothing unexpected...calm. However., that is not why boats where made...Boats weren't made to sit tied next to a dock. It is dangerous to take your ship out and sail, who knows what can happen, but that is how this entire world was discovered.... people could have been comfortable and just sat, and played it safe, but someone decided to take a risk, a journey and explore something that has never been explored before. And look at where our curious minds have taken us. Amazing discoveries all over the world. But none of it would have happened unless someone decided to step out and take a risk. And taking risks isn't all peachy, fun, and super... its a risk, its dangerous, its unexpected, its random, its deadly, its amazing, its beautiful, its life, its living, its purpose, its destiny.

And when I think about Where You Are, I see us taking a risk. I see us casting our sails into the dark ocean, without having a clue what is ahead of us.... There are no guarantees of success....failure lurks below us....there is no safe bet...But its all worth it. I'm certain that no great things in life are achieved without someone taking a risk, usually a big one. The great thing about us though is that we are are not alone. Are hands are held by many would take this risk with us, who chose to get on the Where You Are ship and sail with us towards change, and real life. Don't forget about those impossible things..... you know those insane dreams....they are most realistic ones in my opinion. Why do we continue to want things that we know are within our reach? Don't forget about that passion, that love, that hunger for something more. And I know that is inside of so many people, but if we could just wake up, and look around and actually see our cage of comfortability, we could change it. Don't get lost in your life... Don't settle... Don't believe the lies that they've told to you, not one word is true...not one word is true.. Believe bigger, dream bigger than your dreams, live more, break your routine, take a risk.... gamble.... and yes you may get hurt along the way....but how long will we be robots in our mechanical lives.....or......

...just play it safe...

I'll Take The Sticks and Stones Anyday

2009-05-06T07:50:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to :"Alibi" by David Gray

Music is so powerful. One of the easiest ways to figure out a persons mood is to listen to the music that they are listening too. Music has always been a huge part of my life. I love it. People sometimes as me what kind of music do I like... my response is always the same. I like Good Music. and Good Music has no genre. So that is why I love letting you know what I'm listening to as I write, gives you a little more insight into me.

Thanks for reading and support this cause.

When I was younger I would always here that song...or whatever it is... "stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"... I never understood that. I guess I still don't understand it. A really really really good friend of mine, was working on a film this past weekend and wanted my feedback. I watched it and I thought it was very funny. So I emailed him my thoughts and my congrats. He response was so interesting... "josh your words are life to me". I feel the same way. Words are everything...and most of the time it's the only thing that you actually have. And if words can be life, then they also can be death....isn't that worse than a few broken bones... I guess to each his own.... I'm a writer, so I guess thats also why words are so important to me, how they are chosen, why they are positioned in the way that they are. I put a lot of thought into that.

...Your words have been life me guys... Seriously, I see your comments on the facebook, and I see your emails, that you have taken time to write to me... your words are life to me. They give me hope and strength to continue to push this boulder forward. I long to be in Swaziland...holding a child and speaking Life to them. There is so much power in a hug, a smile...in your eyes, and real love knows no language barrier.

If we only knew that our words give life/death...we don't know that. I'm trying to learn that... if we knew it, we would be careful....slow to speak... we would be so careful in what we said to each other...jokes or not....

It's a very tough road to Where You Are...but the boulder slowly moves, and with your help it will continue. Thank you very much for the love.

we need you.

2009-04-30T00:18:00.006-04:00

this is sarah. again. i haven't written anything on here in three months, which is no good. i'm surprised josh hasn't shunned me. not that he's the shunning type.

we've had a pretty exciting few days with where you are, and for the studio in general.

call us facebook ignorant, but we really had no idea how great it would be to start a fan page. all of the sudden, we feel so much momentum, we feel propelled.

all of this facebook stuff, and feeling supported by so many people, has really made me think.

we can't do this alone. we say that, everyone says that. but really. this is impossible without you.

one time i climbed a mountain. a pretty real mountain, i think. it was amazing. i climbed it with three other people, and we were a pretty ragtag group... none of us expert mountain-climbers by any stretch of the imagination. me, lucretia, mike, and joe.

it was a really hot day, and it was a really steep mountain. we were so inspired at the bottom looking up. it all seemed so possible, so beautiful, such a perfect thing to do.

then we started climbing.

and then i considered hurling my body off the mountain so that i could be free from the pain tearing through my muscles.

in the initial stages of this-was-a-huge-mistake-edness, i thought it was all pretty funny. here we were, stuck halfway up a mountain, miserable. that's comedic. and then it pretty much lost all humor to me and i was pretty irritated. i'm so glad mike was with us, though. he cracked jokes left and right, kept us laughing. he made it so much more bearable. couldn't have made it without him.

another big obstacle was taking breaks. it was necessary to take breaks on this climb. absolutely. the problem was that whenever we sat down, we (or i...) found it extremely hard to get up. i felt completely enraptured with the idea of taking breaks, long breaks, and that just wasn't going to work if we ever wanted to make it up to the top. i'm glad lucretia was with us, though. she knew that no matter how hard it was, we needed to get up and go. couldn't have made it without her.

at certain points during the climb, we'd stop and look at the enormity of what we still had to climb. it was dizzyingly overwhelming. seemingly impossible. and profoundly discouraging. it was horrible. i'm so glad joe was with us, though. he set tiny, achievable goals for us as we climbed... make it to this rock, or climb for three minutes without any breaks. couldn't have made it without him.

about a third of the way up, we realized that our half liter bottles of water were gone. completely. the sun was so strong--sucking up every ounce of fluid in us. i'm glad i was there, though. that morning, i had thrown an extra 1.5 liter bottle of water into my backpack for the climb; the perfect amount to share between us for the rest of the climb. couldn't have made it without me.

...

right now, we stand in front of a mountain, and we aren't foolish enough to think that we're going to be able to do this alone. we need you. and maybe you're reading this, thinking that you have no idea what you can do, how you can help, but you have something. everyone has something.

so come to the foot of this mountain, bring what you have. bring your talents, your words, your love and concern. let's dig our feet into the earth and climb until pain tears through our muscles.

and then let's keep climbing.

climbing and climbing through the pain until we see no mountain ahead of us, can turn around, and take in the view. hold hands, dance, and celebrate.

and the climb will be worth it. the view from the top is amazing, i know it.

we need you.

Freedom

2009-04-27T08:50:00.004-04:00

I'm listening to: "Too Late" by: M83

Thank you for following this blog. It's encouraging to know that there are people that are passionate about...people....living life better... Thank you

I'm not one to talk about my personal life on the internet... I have never had a myspace, or facebook, or anything like that, I don't see the point. but this... this project I love sharing my struggles and successes with you. It's real. And hopefully one day, someone will go back and read this long wordy blog and find an ounce of hope on their journey to film creation.

One thing I don't like about websites and blogs, is that they don't get updated alot. The writers don't write...uggg...but I wanted to let you know why I haven't been updating it so much. On March 16th, 2009, my wife and I had a beautiful baby girl. She is incredible... and stealing all my time, and I love every minute of it. And as I'm writing to you right now, she is starring at me with her bright bold eyes. Being a father is the absolute best... it's the greatest story I could ever tell. It's amazing that a humans can create humans, its amazing. And I'm not one to get all spiritual on you here, but anyone who says God doesn't exist is an idiot. I'm not sure how you can say that, and hold a child in your arms, and see how perfectly there face is crafted, and how their lungs breathe in and out, and how they know your voice, and feel safe only in your arms, that is not science, that isn't. That is unexplainable, and to me...only someone, full of love, someone supernatural, could create something so unexplainable, so perfect... I guess the counter to this argument is how could a god exists when horrible things like 911 happen.... Well maybe that has nothing to do with God, and maybe it has everything to do with corrupt people doing hateful things...

off my little box now...

I thought making this project would get a lot harder because I have a child, but honestly she makes me want to do it even more. Because on March 16th, 2009 another child was born in Swaziland, that has AIDS... and that child has no clue that her mom or dad will die in a few years from the same disease that she has... We are lucky...we are blessed...we are corrupt. As one is born, another one dies. That is so heavy... It's tough to deal with, and as I hold my daughter, I think about her, and how thankful I am, and how I want to do, not only this project, but other projects like it. So, that fathers and mothers can hold their children, and give them baths, and play silly games with them. We aren't living until that happiness exists around the world... and maybe it never will, maybe there will always be disease, and death... But that isn't my dream, that isn't what's in my heart. That world, that dream, is worth fighting for...its worth dying for...

Oh... My daughters name is Freedom...

Purposeless Life

2009-03-31T11:44:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to: "Still" by Ben Folds

Three days ago, my close friend, and producer Zachariah Lewis got married. I was able to get up to D.C. and be with him and celebrate. It's so much colder in DC, but it's good to feel the seasons sometimes, ya know. The ceremony was perfect, not super long, not super short, filled with emotion, just the way its suppose to be. What I love watching was just the two of them.... completely in love.... sharing life together... it makes sense...

We finally have begun to cast for this amazing project. (don't worry i'll come back to my above thoughts, you know me, all over the place). We are casting in New York City, and Washington D.C. This is one of my favorite per-productions times, finally putting beautiful faces to these characters who are already alive. We are getting a lot of great responses. Thank you to everyone who has been reading the blog and leaving your comments. Its helps to feel the warm love.

And I know that is what this project is all about. Similar to this wedding.....

Life has no purpose unless its shared.... shared... with people.

Where You Are:Project Swaziland is meaningless without a group a people coming together and saying "enough is enough", and we might not change a damn thing, but we are going to give it our all. Shared. Live together. I think about all the amazing things that have happened in this world, and though one person might get the credit, its always a team, always a unit, a support group, that really made it happen. Cause everyone doubts, no matter what, but its the strength in others that allows your to rise higher than you thought you could. I'm excited to share this journey with talented actors and actresses, and crew members. The fact that we are doing it together makes it for me, for us.

So gather round friends... the exclusive hollywood style is far from our studio. C&I Studios is all about change.

There's No Room For Man-Pleasing

2009-03-09T23:01:00.004-04:00

I'm listening to: "Elysium" by: Hans Zimmer

I have a Honda Metropolitan. I love it. I drive it a lot. I live in Florida if you haven't figured that out yet. But I love my scooter, and my favorite drive is from Fort Lauderdale Beach to South Beach. Just driving down the road with the sand and my friend, the Atlantic Ocean next to me. It's a beautiful, just captivating journey. I really enjoy it. It frees me to think about life, and ideas, and this project.

A big part of this project, is finding the organization and people that we are going to link up with in Swaziland and work with. Well, that big question has finally been answered. Susan Creamer, of swazichild.com has welcomed us, and allowed us to be a part of the amazing organization that she has started. She is amazing, always giving, and the crazy thing is she is located in Fort Lauderdale Florida, (when she isn't in Swaziland) about 5 miles from where I live. So amazing! So, we have met and talked, shared stories, become friends... it's beenso amazing. It will be so great to work with her and all of these children and families.

This project is so important and it means so much to me, to her, to us.

As I was driving, I was just thinking about, how a lot of our lives, we spend so much time doing things for... credit. And yes, I know none of us want to say that we do, but it's so true. We want people to notice us, look at what we are doing, approve of us, say that we are good people. We want other people to think highly of us, and tell their friends good things, amazing things about us. Could we be so focused on people? our peers? of course. To your face?...no not at all, but secretly deep down, deep inside, we all want to be liked.... to be in demand.... none of us want to be outcasts, no matter how artsy fartsy we think we are. Secretly we want the approval of man....

These thoughts made me remember to some conversations that Susan and I had. It's hard to think that these people and these kids in Swaziland are just fighting for their lives, literally, trying to stay alive, trying to find clean water, they aren't caught up in the silly games that we play here. They are just honest with themselves, whether its good or bad. Honest. We can learn so much from other people. One thing I'm thinking about now, is that we are going over to help them, give them hope and so on, raise awareness here in the States, make an impact for them, help them. But I think..... they will be helping us so much more.... without saying a single word to us, they will help us... make us better people.... maybe life isn't about making sure that my supervisor things highly of me, maybe its about something greater than that.... maybe life lessons can be learned at the strangest of places at the strangest times. I am learning that on this journey of life, we are wasting our time trying to secretly gain this "approval", this "acceptance". If we could just focus on something greater, instead of that.... maybe we would see humanity upgrade to 2.0...

just maybe... or maybe it was just a silly scooter ride...

I Wanna Scream So Loud For You

2009-03-05T19:19:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to: __________________.

Where You Are is tough.

For me this project is really hard. I think its absolutely amazing to see how far we have come, and I will continue to press in through these hard times to achieve this seemingly impossible goal. Today I asked myself why is it so hard...

I remember when I was 10 and me and my brothers really loved Legos. Yes, Legos, remember those. They didn't have any electronic parts, no LCD screens, no batteries. They were the best thing to us. At 10, it was my life's mission to acquire more Legos. More Legos than one could imagine. I remember constantly wanting more, but we had no money to buy more. I remember one day, we all had a plan to sell lemonade on the side of the road to get money for Legos. (This plan was sure to solve our problem). We were so excited about it. We planned it. Mother secretly smiled as she made this perfect drink for us to sell. I'm sure it's the cutest thing in the world to see your kids trying to sell lemonade to the neighbors. And while it was cute, even then, I could see my mom....my biggest fan....ALWAYS supporting me. We finally had enough lemonade and we tried to sell like crazy. So funny to think about.... I remember at one point we had five dollars!! Oh man. Five Dollars. That was huge. We went to Toys R Us. (why doesnt any child like Toys R Us anymore....all kids want now are ipods, laptops, iphones and Wii) strange...but anyway we bought this Lego set. Well, we thought we did, but it was my dad who really bought it, and put our 5 dollars in our savings account. (ALWAYS supporting me). We put the set together, feeling so accomplished and we played. And played....

I feel like I've lost a lot of that. Like life has stolen some of that pure passionate emotion, that "i can do anything attitude, cause i'm special" attitude. Life has stolen that from me now.

Now....I doubt....

...I doubt myself. I think about every film that we make and I think to myself, how will you ever get the money to do this....I doubt....I try to save up all of my hope and press on...but at some point my love tank runs dry. I build these huge projects and journey to film festivals and receive these compliments that floor me, but one comment like "man you are so far from this project" from someone, just makes me shrivel up, and want to run back to the safe arms of my mother.

So here I am. A project before me... Several projects before me. Knowing that people are counting on me... wanting me to continue on (even if they say so or not).

My soul is screaming out...

...but...

...i will not stop. Life is a journey, and my goal is to learn to Enjoy the Journey. My prayer is to take back, my boyish confidence that once ran through me... Life isn't about me. It isn't about what I want to do... It's about finding the strength to do what NEEDS to be done.

There is a need... and I will die.....before I quit.

Day Four

2009-02-23T09:56:00.002-05:00

I'm listening to: "Something More" by Switchfoot

Today is day four from a very long, tiring, and beautiful weekend....

Day 1

Friday Morning

This weekend was all about Where You Are..or was it? Yeah it was...but anyway. My plane flew in at 9:18am, and I was greeted by my wonderful partners Zachariah and Sarah. We headed back to Sarah's place where we had planned to read Where You Are to our composer Darren Mcfate. This was such an important moment for us, because as you know, music and sound is so important. And we wanted Darren to hear the films emotion. So I read, and read, and read, and read. And it was such a good time for us, and Darren. We ended up sitting around after the reading and just talked about.....Life.....for another 2 hours. That was it so great about this film....it almost forces you to talk after it is over....and not about how well it was...but about...something more....something bigger...

Friday Night

As some of you know in September we shot another short film entitled "Happy Birthday Wes", starring Jason McCool, Marissa Molnar, and Chris Rubeiz. We had finally finished the post work and the premiere was planned for friday night. Friends, actors, crew members, supporters, came to see the film and see each other. It was a great night. We played the film, and it shined bright. Brighter than Sarah, Zachariah, and I thought that it would. We were proud....so was everyone else. It amazed me to look around the room and see all of the muscians, talent, crew...people who are so very skilled in their craft. A Team. And it was good for us to feel successful together. It was because of our team that we made this film, and it is so good because of this team.

Day 2

Saturday....All Day Saturday

We were so amazed by our team last night. It was awesome, and that gave us some great fuel for the task that was inf ront of us. "Locking the Screenplay". What is so great about last night, and Happy Birthday Wes, is that so many people from that team will be working on Where You Are. But today we had to write, discuss changes, put the film in its final version. It was hard, and it took 10 hours straight to fix. But we did it. and its really hard to believe that the film is EVEN better than it was on Friday.

Day 3

Sunday

This morning we drove to DC to film a promo about Where You Are. We will have it launch with the new Where You Are website soon. We are excited to share that with you. I won't say much about that, cause you'll just need to see it for yourself. But it was cool....and I mean that litterly...it was snowing/raining in DC when we were film. We were freezing. Chucks suck in the cold, and Sarah wasn't socks, but my situation was clearly worse....Zachariah had gloves.....jerk..but we pressed in and made it happen.

Day 4

And now i'm hearing sitting at my familar place. With my beautiful wife.

Where You Are lives on.....and thanks for following us....thanks for supporting us...we need it. Thank you very much.

Thorns In My Side

2009-02-12T08:17:00.004-05:00

I'm Listening To: "Skyline Drive" by Mae

...There is a perfectly clear path, that is perfectly paved, and even has guard rails on it so you can't fall.

It is easy.

It is the path to fame, to greatness. Many walk on it because of its success rate. Those who have been on it, have achieved just that...fame...greatness...riches beyond imagination.... Next to this path there is a a thick jungle, and you cannot see your legs hitting the ground, or what is crawling up your legs. This path is scary, this is not even a path. You find yourself bleeding from the unforeseen thorns in your side. As you look to your left, you can see many people walking on this easy, beautiful path, and you look at yourself...trapped...

When C&I Studios was started, it was unfocused.....without vision....selfish...We didn't know what we wanted to make, we just wanted to make films like everyone else, make funny things, serious things....I remember filming a lot of comedic films and shorts in the beginning. Then I wanted to make something serious about abortion....so we made this short called "My Life" in 2005. This has to be one of my favorites that we have ever made. I was so happy with it. I remember showing it to my friend Sarah at the time. and she said "Josh, this is the best thing you have ever done". (That is when I knew I wanted to work with Sarah). It took 2 more years until that wish came true and here we are. It was soon after that, when C&I Studios began to get serious about life...about why...why are we filming these things....

Now. We are focused. We have a clear vision. We have chosen to only make films with purpose, only films that matter, that will inspire change. We have chosen to get off of Hollywoods path, and make our own path. A new one. We choose to walk through this unchartnered jungle, because we know we are different. We know it will take a different kind of film and a different kind of company to make an impact in this world...this life. So here we are, making a new path.. And that path is created out of a love for other people, it is made with seeing needs of other people that we may not know, it is made with a passion to Change, to Change this world.....now, the last thing on our minds is fame......richess.....greatness....ALL we care about is other people being inspired...other people looking into themselves and wanting MORE....wanting more out of life....remembering those early childhood dreams, that once were close to their hearts....and that is why now.....and the path is hard...it's harder...its pain....but...completely worth it.

The lessons that we've learn as the thorns pierce our sides couldn't be learned any other way, and we say YES! We wouldn't have it any other way. We are standing up for a new kind of film...a new kind of dream....a new hope....

...and the reason, by the way, why I like that film "My Life" so much, wasn't because of the way it was shot, or the acting in it. or anything like but.......it had a message....

Sarah......Zachariah....thanks for holding my hand as we walk through this...

Faith: That Tricky Bastard

2009-02-11T09:05:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: George Winston - The Crystal Ship

Hey, fellas. It's your favorite skinny white boy, Zachariah Lewis. Joshua asked me to write a little sumsum on the blog, so here it goes...

Faith. I don't know how much of an issue it is for you blogees, but I'm learning that it's not the strongest part of me. On the whole, I've always believed in God and his plan that he has for me. But it seems that in the literal sense, I'm very negative and doubtful about things like this project. I want so bad for my studio to prosper. I want to make a change in this dark world, but it seems impossible. I'm human and there's no way this could be done. I do IT in Washington DC. I don't change the world. But...faith

I've expressed these feelings with my partners and after some good talks we've decided my problem. Faith. I need faith in my God. He's done much bigger and better things than what we're asking for now and he wants to help. All we need is a little faith to accomplish this thing.

Matthew 17:20 says "Because you have such little faith, I tell you the truth. If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain 'move from here to there' and it will move for you. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Nothing will be impossible.

Sorry to get so spiritual on you guys. That's just been my personal struggle.

Until next time...

Less Of Me Is Where Your Drawing Me....

2009-02-02T09:07:00.002-05:00

I'm listening to: "I Must Decrease" by: Paul Daugherty And Envoy

I got up this morning thinking about life......thinking about the fatal car accident I saw on my long drive home...

What is life really about? Is it about waking up everyday, going to work, getting your assignment done on time, people liking you, and approving your decisions, sitting around having a few beers with friends....or

is it something more...

Maybe life has absolutely nothing to do with me....maybe life is waiting for me to do something to it....

I think we all need LESS of us....LESS of me....and more hope, more change, more passion about the things that actually matter in this world. Sarah wrote a blog a couple entree's ago, read it, its called "To Not Forget", one of my favorites........This world....is it all talk?......do we watch the dead woman on the side of road, and we sit in traffic and do we think......"Damn I'm going to be late"...........DAMN IT!...we do.....we do..... that isn't us...i know it. We have forgot...we have forgotten something...and whatever it is, it needs to be ignited again....IGNITE US AGAIN!!!!!

Is it all talk? The main reason we couldn't just make a film, is because I don't want it to be all talk...I want it to be real, to mean something, to scream loudly and say......LESS of me.... For us all to step out of our armored skin, and be vulnerable to pain, to emotion, to feel. To do something to life to change things. And if we fail.....and if we fail....then we still lived.... we lived more than many...

Where You Are: Project Swaziland is our small attempt at change, and it really has nothing to do with me...it has nothing to do with us...There are people who need help....so we are helping...and this is the best way we know how....

One Step Closer...

2009-01-28T16:47:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to: "Under Bridges" by Brave Saint Saturn

Today we printed our proposals for the project. We needed to do a quick test before we place a huge order, so the wife and I were off to kinkos. It was awesome to see the proposals actually printed, they look really good, and we will be glad to begin to send them out to everyone. The guy that was helping us, was sort of checking out the proposal as he was helping arrange it. He asked "where are you guys sending this to?" We told him, "Everywhere, LA, NYC, London, people all over the world" . He paused. looked at the register and smiled and said to himself..."its cool that I'm a part of that".

That statement made me think of all the people who are part of this. Maybe by reading this blog, or whatever. This project really isn't about me, or about this studio, its really about something bigger. It's about changing life, about living again......

.....and now we are one step closer to infecting people all over world with this project.

To Not Forget

2009-01-28T16:06:00.011-05:00

I'm listening to: "The Blues" by Switchfoot (over and over again)

This is Sarah, not Josh. Just needed to start out by saying that. Josh(ua) has given me the ultimate honor, the keys to all power, the authority to change everything... the blog log-in and password. What an honor...

I just got back from Africa. Last Friday, actually. I still have the sunburn to prove it, and more than anything, I have the disease of restlessness that seems to come whenever I leave freedom, beauty, and African children behind and return to working in a basement behind a computer for eight hours a day. Something seems horribly wrong.

One thing about this project that excites me is the fact that it is just that... a project. It's not just a film, even though the film alone is more than enough to stand on its own. Zach, Josh, and I talk a lot about the why behind what we do. A lot. One thing that we feel so strongly about is the desire to push people beyond themselves, their lives, their day-to-day living. It's so easy to be consumed with ourselves to the point that we can't see the people around us. At best, we care about those close to us... our friends, families, neighbors. Maybe. But not many of us think beyond that.

It bothers me when I leave Africa, because I get scared that I'll forget. I'll forget that people sell charcoal on the side of the road for pennies, just to get food for their families. I'll forget that men ride rickety bikes miles in the heat every day, just to look for work. I'll forget that kids sit 129 in a classroom... on dusty floors, just to get some semblance of an education. I'll forget about the women who look like they're 70, but are only 40, just because life has been hard on them. I'll forget because it's not in front of my face, because I'm not feeling the same sun or breathing in the same dust. I'm scared to forget.

But Where You Are motivates me... motivates me to remember. Motivates me to push others to remember. It's a big world out there, and I bet your world is small. Every January mine gets a little bigger, but then the American dream shrinks it back down to small selfishness. So here's to our worlds growing... expanding... reaching...

they're more than just faces [and feet]. they're real and they're lovely.

it will be a day like this one... when the sky falls down... and the hungry and poor and deserted are found...

nothing is okay... until the world caves in.

The Perfect Score

2009-01-25T09:58:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to: "The Journey" by Hans Zimmer

These past few months have been so busy for us... Sorry I haven't written more, I'm getting better. The dream of this project started almost one year ago, and ever since it was written, I've dreamed of one of my greatest friends to compose the music to the film. Darren Mcfate. Not only is he one of the most talented writer/conductor/composer that I've ever known, he is an amazing husband/father/friend. I respect him and look up to him. Here is some background. I worked at a place for 2 years with Darren. I didn't like there at all, in fact I was trying to leave ever since I started, but nevertheless, I was there. One thing that kept me there for so long was the friendship that I had with Darren and his family. They welcomed my wife and I into their home and treated us with such grace. As you know, I now live in florida, away from Darren and that job, which was in DC, but I know I was at that place for a reason. It's only perfect that I would meet Darren there, and we would become good friends and talk about our favorite composers, and scores, and now that we have this project.... it;s destiny that we would work on it together...... I stand in awe of life, and how your dreams really are impossible, in every way, without the support of real people, real friends, who believe in you.... Life does lead us through painful moments, horrible times, that we do not understand. But as I sit on my balcony staring north to DC, I now know why I worked at that place. I can see how I was meant to live through that struggle to gain strength that I would have otherwise not acquired. So as you watch our film and as your are moved by what you see....you will really be moved by what you hear.....

In English Please

2009-01-14T11:00:00.006-05:00

I'm listening to: "Living is Simple" by Switchfoot

Many people have wondered what is Where You Are: Project Swaziland and how is it so different than any other film project. Well below is the basic version of the film proposal that we are sending out to people who are interested. It explains exactly what we are doing. and we really want your support.

This project, Where You Are: Project Swaziland is an amazing opportunity to make a strong impact on our world. What excites our team is the ability to offer something more than just a film.

Below are the projects three components:

1. A Day Camp for children in Swaziland will be conducted to just spread love to children who are in need.

2. A Documentary of the overall need in Swaziland will be made as the day camp runs and as the film is being shot, to show not only the need of Swaziland but also its beauty.

3. A Feature Film. Upon returning to the states, C&I Studios will finish production of the film and release it to film distributors, film festivals, and theaters. The documentary as well will be placed into post production and be release to film festivals and film distributors.

We believe that without a miracle, no change is overnight. But we know that from the day camp, the documentary and the feature film, we can plant a seed in the average persons heart to at least consider the possibility that we all can make a difference. We do not think that this project will instantly change the situations in Swaziland, but we know that it is a start.

Synopsis

Imagine living the perfect life, but inside you were wishing to be someone else. Shawn Hunter, a business executive, travels to Swaziland Africa to work on a 'corporate image' commercial for his firm. While Shawn is in Swaziland, he unknowingly falls in love with the children of the village and becomes surprisingly passionate about bringing awareness and change to Swaziland's largest problem; HIV/AIDS. Upon Shawn's hesitant return to the States, he is met with his old fast-paced lifestyle, high-profile business commitments, the woman of his dreams, and his loving family. Shawn is torn between trying to live a normal successful life again and dreaming about the children in Swaziland and changing their world. This is a story of two worlds colliding with one man caught deeply in between.

Raising The Dead In Me

2009-01-06T09:59:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to: "All My Days" by Alexi Murdock

Live Together, Die Alone.

I go back and forth from wanting to see films in the theatre. For me, sometimes, I don't go for long periods of time from wanting to see anything on the "big screen". Why? first of all, I'm weird. Second, sometimes, I just see things done so well, it's almost depressing. But during this past week or two, I went to the theatre to see some of my favorite actors (Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Meryl Streep, and Tom Cruise). And they were absolutely wonderful. But my fear did come true. It is really hard to see someone else do what you want to do, really well. But it has been good to lean back on some really key people in my life. Some that are right next to me, some that I haven't talked to deeply in a while, and it' like gaining new energy, new strength. So thank you. Friendship....Combined with Love could just possibly be the strongest force in the world.

Where You Are remains strong and focused. We are hoping to partner with a lot of people this year and really begin moving more swiftly towards our goal. We have begun to work with our storyboard artist and just seeing the scenes come to life is amazing. People ask all the time why our studio is called C&I Studios. Well, I'm not going to tell you why. But I will tell you, when we work with each other, when we move together, that is when beautiful things are created. And I'm still learning that when you have seemed to have lost it all, or have been absolutely been betrayed by someone, having those people surround you, with a phone call, email, or text message can change your entire world.

No man is an island....I'm working on that.

2009 Shine

2009-01-03T10:39:00.002-05:00

I'm listening to: "Marching Bands of Manhattan" by Death Cab for Cutie

Welcome friends.....to 2009. We are 3 days in already, I guess if I was a good blogger, I would have wrote to you on New Years Eve, or New Years day.....but.....i'm not a good blogger. My impressions of 2009 so far, seem good. I expect a lot out of 2009. And our studio is really focused on getting things done this year. We want to enter 2010 a lot strong than this year. And now we have 363 days to make it happen. So the countdown begins.

Anyway. Where You Are. man what a journey, what and epic journey. We are going to NYC in february to shoot a video promo which will describe in detail what the project is. So I'm really excited about that. I love NYC, is it by far, my favorite city. So you guys can expect to see that in this next coming months.

Merry Christmas Selfish Swine

2008-12-15T10:45:00.004-05:00

I'm Listening To: "Everything's Not Lost" by Coldplay

Our journey continues. We have begun work on the website for the project. I'm excited about it. The url link will be www.whereyouareproject.com. Don't go there now, or you will be greatly disappointed. But give us some time and you will be amazed, or informed. ha. Whatever. I was recently on a shoot for a client of ours, and it made me think about when we will shoot "Where You Are". It's interesting how these films grow. This film has a special place in my heart, cause it was written during a really hard time for me. My wife and I had just moved to Florida, and a lot of terrible things were happening around us, but it was during those unbelievably horrendous moments that "Where You Are" was reborn, if you will. And its growing... high five!

It's christmas time. I love it. The smell, the music, the carmel apple cider at starbucks...

..but today...right now...as as type...across my friend, the atlantic ocean, someone dies.....

Merry Christmas.

There is no "We" in "Team" either.

2008-12-07T11:20:00.002-05:00

I'm Listening to: "Grapevine Fires" by Death Cab fro Cutie

Thanks to all the people who have and do support me. It's cool to know that people are thinking of us, praying for this project, and encouraging us to press on. However, it is not just me. There is a strong team behind me. Two people to be exact . Zachariah Lewis and Sarah Scotti. Together the three of us merge our creative powers to make C&I Studios what it is. It has been an awesome ride with both of them. Zachariah has been my wing man for years. I met this 13 year kid in Washington DC, and we clicked and although there is a 6 year difference between us, homeboy is on point. He has such a unique creative eye and mind. He also really controls the music of C&I Studios. Look, I'm just going to be honest. Anytime you hear a good song in a film, that you like, or your checking out the things "I'm listening" to, its usually all songs that Zachariah has given to me and the studio. If there was a drug dealer of music, Zachariah would live in a huge castle, and daily bathe in 100 dollar bills. So his sense of music is really awesome, and together with his creative writing we are able to produce what we do. Sarah Scotti, I also met in DC, in 2003. Sarah just joined C&I Studios as a parter over this past summer. Sarah and I have a close relationship and through our past 2 projects (Life Sucks & Eat, Sleep, Repeat) Sarah has worked on both of them as a part of our writing staff. But over the summer, I really wanted her to be a part of our studio, because she is incredible. She is a talented writer and she sees life a little bit differently than everyone else. Sarah, and I talk everyday...about films, and life, and I think it's through our conversations that really helps me come up with future films, and projects. ....I haven't talked to Sarah in about 4 days....she's is in New York City (my favorite city) with her family, so its okay. But she really has such a strong determination and a solid belief in what we do. C&I Studios would not be successful without both Zachariah and Sarah. I'm thankful to you both....Although both you, probably won't even read this ....jerks.....just kidding.

So to let you in our process a little bit, this is how we do it:

Step 1: I have a weird mind. I think different.

Step 2. A story is given to me, in my head.

Step 3. I think about it for about 2-5 days.

Step 4: I don't tell anyone about it.

Step 5: I start to write it down.

Step 6. If I like what I wrote, I start telling my wife, Zachariah, and Sarah to see what they think.

Step 7. If they like it, it makes me happy, if they don't like it, then I know the film isn't for us, and I put it in the vault. (many films have been killed at this step)

Step 8. To the lucky few that make it through, I keep my distance from them, until they keep calling my name so much, that I have to write them)

Step 9: I write.

Step 10: I read it, with music to Zachariah And Sarah.

Step 11. They instantly (while hearing it) are writing in their heads, and have already thought of 104 ways to make it better.

Step 12. We write.

Step 13. Ideas are incorporated, things are changed and enhanced.

Step 14. The phone call, since we are far away we have these phone calls where we analyze every single word of the screenplay, until its exactly what its suppose to be.

Step 15. The screenplay lives, and it burns in my heart, heavier and heavier everyday until its created.

That's it...that is the writing process....it's crazy to see it actually on paper...or internet...but that's it. One day i'll tell you about how we do it on set. Seriously, thank you to everyone who supports us.

You Don't Know Me

2008-12-04T07:36:00.002-05:00

I'm listening to: "Firelight" by Danielle Davidson

On every journey to something destined, the road to get there always seems to become more tough, more jagged. Most people when they here that I want to do a project about Swaziland, and try and cause people to rethink life, they usually assume that I have such a good outlook on life, and I'm positive and I have it all together. But that isn't true. This has been a struggle. Some days, like today, I just feel like quitting it all, and just continue to be "Average Jack", or Josh, I guess. One would think that if I was doing something to help others, it would be an easy journey, but its not, and I think that is what matters. Which is more important the outcome or the journey? Both? You tell me, I'm not smart enough. What I do know is this? "Life Sucks" life is hard, even on this path to doing this project, sometimes it gets extremely hard, new life pressures blossom, challenges, and situations constantly rise. ...I'm talking to myself now, you can listen too if you want. No matter how dead we feel inside, no matter how hard this challenge is, we have to believe that we are here for a reason, and life is hard for a reason. Life could be bliss, and easy, and we all could be rich, but then, nothing would be beautiful, nothing would matter. So enjoy it Joshua. Enjoy this painful ride for now, its worth it in the end. But, you don't you think for one moment, that I don't struggle, or that I have it all together....give me more grace...cause i'll surprise you. I'm.....like you...."normal". So when I'm down here, looking up on the world, don't stare back, kick me, or laugh. Give me your hand, join me, because behind every dream, every life vision, there are a team of people working towards it. I'm not sure, if one man, one person, besides Jesus, has ever made a difference. Usually there is always, Always, someone holding them up straight, lifting them up high, holding them tighter, so they won't fall, fail....

Enjoy the struggle.....Enjoy the Journey....

Ask Me Why

2008-12-02T09:56:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: "The Light" by The Album Leaf

Blog #2, I guess. My buddy Justin (www.jmeinphotography.com) is the one that inspired me to do this blog, and its funny he never mentioned it to me that I should do one, I was just reading his one day, and thought, "man I should do this for "Where You Are". So here I am, on Blogger.....blogging. Justin is a photographer, I guess our fields don't really go hand in hand, but still he has inspired me to this place. And, if I could answer the question as to why we do anything it would be because of that. Inspiration. I believe that Art Inspires Art. What one person does, can completely inspire someone else to take action, do something, believe. And as artist we hold that power, and we can wield it for good, evil, or the worst one, not use it at all. So, we are doing this project to....change the world, to inspire people, to cause them to think. We are doing this project, cause there is an issue in another part of the world, and it's up to us to do something about it. We are all connected. If we just took our armor off for just 4.5 seconds we would see that connection. We are at the beginning stages. There is so much to be done, but we know it will happen, its destined to.

This blog will follow the progress of the project from Day 1 until we are finished, and I know it will be a cool ride, so we wanted to document it all, to show people that we aren't any different than them. We just know what we are suppose to do, and we are going to do it.

In the Beginning

2008-12-01T11:31:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to: "Meadowlarks" by Fleet Foxes

To start talking about this project. I really have to talk about my best friend. I miss him. I live in Florida, he lives in crappy Maryland. But I used to live there, so I can't be that upset. When I did live there we would hang out a lot, and talk, dream. He came up with this film idea one day "Where You Are". We wanted to make a short film out of it. We started it....we were poisoned....and we never finished it. Thats for another blog though. But that film has always been burning onto my heart. Years later, this company, C&I Studios, has decided to create that film. However, instead of a short, its a feature, and we are putting everything we have behind it. And though my best friend and I are separated by geography, he is a part of this project, cause I can feel his heart in it. I want to make this film, and do this project, because inside of me, us, is this desire to change the world. Sounds cheesy, or lame, but seriously, this world, America...Sucks (insert curse word). I'm trying not to curse, my mom doesn't like it. But I think we have a story that must be told, and because of my best friend, it will be told. And I can't wait to share it with him and the world.

Stephen, I love you and we're gonna show'em something that will change, everything.